It is often a tough, albeit necessary experience for those who were involved in or affected by the Genocide against the Tutsi to explain to their children what happened. Children are curious and always ask questions that require parents to answer with truth, but in a way that does not fall short of the indispensable principles of unity and reconciliation that Rwanda as a country has decided to pursue. Marie Muhongayire, a 61-year-old survivor who lost her father and some siblings during the 1992 Pogrom against the Tutsi in Bugesera and later during the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi, faced some hard questions from her 5 children during the process of bringing them up. For example, they used to ask why she forgave and reconciled with a one Leonard Rucogoza, a man who was among the people who killed her family members. “They would see him visit us at home and I would give him a seat, talk to him and after that I would escort him briefly on his way back to his home. The children would ask: ‘how do you feel talking to him?” she says. “I would tell them that it is true he killed people, but he later asked for forgiveness. I would also go ahead and tell them that when I look into it, I realise that the former government bears the blame for what happened. Yes, the people committed genocide, but they were inspired and used by the leadership of that time. So, if they come and ask for forgiveness, I feel I should give it to them so that I can also live well,” she adds. Currently, all her children are grown up and married, except the last born who is in high school. Besides what she told them as they grew up, there were some other good voices that they have been hearing in a unity and reconciliation club for youngsters in their village. Gikoma village in Rweru sector where Muhongayire stays is a special place where perpetrators of the Genocide against the Tutsi live in the same neighbourhoods with the survivors. Here, perpetrators and survivors jointly participate in a number of activities like agriculture, as well as social undertakings like the unity and reconciliation clubs. There are two clubs: one for the adults and another for the youngsters. Here, the youngsters get to learn about the history of the country, how people forgave and reconciled, and how to live together. John Giraneza, a resident of the same village is a survivor, but he married a lady who hails from the family of those who were responsible of killing some of his own family members. Giraneza has lived with his wife Marie Jeanne Uwimana for about 13 years. Their eldest child has turned 13, and has started asking questions, for example concerning the whereabouts of his grandfather who fled the country after committing genocide. “I tell him that he played a role in the genocide as a result of the bad influence of the former government,” Uwimana says. Giraneza also takes his turn to talk to their children: “I explain to them that the genocide was as a result of the bad leadership and ignorance of the people. Many people who were influenced to commit genocide had not gone to school, so they ended up believing the lies that their leaders told them,” he says. Cyprien Matabaro, a genocide perpetrator who was reintegrated into his community in Bugesera after serving a 12-year jail term has also been finding it necessary to make some explanations to his 6 children. “I told them the truth that we committed the genocide,” he says, adding that he warns them of divisionism, showing them its consequences. Dr. Jean Damascène Iyamuremye, the Director of Psychiatric Care Unit under the Mental Health Division of the Rwanda Biomedical Center says telling the details of the Genocide against the Tutsi to children is dependent not only to the age of the child but also on the emotional stability of the parent. “For example, a parent who is living with trauma related to the Genocide will not be able to communicate adequately with his or her child. At the other hand a parent living with shame for participating in the Genocide will not easily tell the child all details about the Genocide,” he said. For the age, he says that normally before a child makes school age (about 6 years), it is not advised to tell all them about the terrible details of the genocide.
