LooseTalk: The real Girls’ Night Out

I am an unsung, untapped, moving encyclopedia on What Kigali Girls Want. What do Kigali Girls want, and how do I know what they want? I know what they want from being a regular on the Kigali GNO circuit. If GNO sounds to you like the name of some genetically modified plant specie, it is because you have neither heard of, nor attended a Girls’ Night Out. I have done both, I tell you. I know that some girls will seek to whip me for this, but the reason I find my way to all these otherwise supposed to be girls-only gigs is that girls like to do their male-bashing routine with at least a single male in the vicinity, perhaps with the hope that he will “spread the word” to other dudes, just like I’m doing here now. Also, many girls take me to GNO with the secret hope that I will over-indulge and pass out so they can steal my trousers because many girls secretly covet my pantaloons! Now, Girls’ Night Out, as I’ve come to know it, is a type of outing where a cluster of female friends escape from their ordinary lives and go out and act like they don’t have responsibilities or boyfriends. But Girls’ Night Out can also be Girls’ Night In, if they choose to do their thing at one of the friend’s houses. As a rule for GNO, the whole group must dress in revealing or scanty attire, and how ridiculous this is, because who are they dressing to provoke, on a night supposedly for girls only? As part of standard etiquette for the event, obscene quantities of alcohol must be consumed, and a lot of noise must be generated. On such a night, it is perfectly within limits for one of the girls to puke all the consumed liquor on the couch while the rest of her “besties” “caringly” hold her hair back from her face. I know all this because I have had the opportunity of being invited to a random GNO every now and then. I also know that no GNO is ever complete without one or all of the girls tapping/accepting a free drink from a desperate single man banking on the hope of carrying home “dead prey” after investing in several shots of Tequila. Girls’ Nights Out are also about the ladies’ time-tested pastime of male bashing. This is usually the opportunity for “womankind” to come up with all sorts of evil schemes to control their unsuspecting boyfriends/husbands. Typically, a girl returning home from a spot of GNU is drunk like a skunk, with some random telephone numbers scribbled coarsely on bits of paper, and stuffed carelessly in her purse. Should she have a boyfriend/husband who dares confront her about it, he is likely to receive a response along the lines of; “Shut up, you idiot! We had to be nice and give the guys something for paying for all the drinks and dropping us home. Can’t you understand?”