Relationships: Is he committed?

The last time I wrote this column, we looked at how men are shying away from commitment these days, preferring short term ‘no strings attached’ relationships. I mean the type of affair which doesn’t have the word ‘marriage’ in its vocabulary. Literally if the affair was a dictionary, the word ‘Marriage’ doesn’t exist or if it exists, it’s not well defined. The moment one party (usually the woman) insists and pushes for the inclusion and clear definition of ‘marriage’, the other party (read man) chickens out, sighting all sorts of excuses why that word should not be included in the affair’s vocabulary yet. Unfortunately, most average working men today are commitment phobics, suffering heavily from Peter Pan’s syndrome. The kind of syndrome that gives one a ‘boyish’ feeling and the ‘not yet ready’ attitude to marriage even if they are 39 coming to 40. Below are the few things you should lookout for, if you want to know whether he is committed or not. 1. His friends are married: Research reveals that when most of the friends your guy hangs out with are married, he is likely to want the same. Just carefully, study their left hands and if most of them have wedding rings on, chances are, he will also do the same soon to fit in the group, just hang in there. However, if most of his friends are single and still in the ‘party-with-the boys phase’, it’s a bad sign and you could be in for disappointment. 2. He is financially secure: Most guys are more concerned with securing their finances first before they consider marriage. They are driven by a selfish desire to attain wealth single handedly and boost about their successes later alone. So if your man already owns a home, drives to work and has a business working, be sure the next practical thing in the queue is marriage. Just wait, he will pop the question soon. 3. He pursues you: A committed guy will always lookout for you, not the other way round. If he takes long to respond to your emails, doesn’t bother calling and doesn’t text back, he is not committed. 4. He is willing to wait: When you ask him to give you some time as you think about it and he waits, he is worth trying. But if he is the type you ask for sometime and they disappear, don’t waste time ‘beeping’ them, as if to say ‘am ready’. Just hold your peace, if he is the one, he will call you, if he’s not he won’t. 5. He is always there: Someone interested in marriage will not abandon you when you are sick to go and watch a football game. Taking care of you when you are sick or when you are going through hard times, shows that the guy is committed and not just in for fun and sex. If he sits on your bed side to watch a movie with you when you are down, then he is your future husband. 6. He gets to know your friends and family: A guy who is truly thinking marriage will want to know you well, including your friends and family. Chances are, through interacting with your friends and family, he wants to know you better and your background. Better still he is trying to make it known to them how serious the two of you are. If he is the kind that keeps you away from important family members and is ashamed of introducing you to his friends, act fast, move on. 7. He says ‘We’ instead of ‘Me’: Pay attention to his speech, if he usually uses ‘We’ and ‘Us’ instead of ‘Me’, its clear you are in his future plans if you have been dating for a while. But if he is a ‘I’, ‘Me’ and ‘My’ freak, then you know he’s saying ‘I’m still single’. 8. He is not afraid of compromise: A committed guy will always ask for your opinion and consult you before making crucial decisions. For example if he ask you about the type of furniture or car you should buy, be sure he is commitment ready. But if he is a bull-headed guy who likes things done his way, the he isn’t ready at all for the compromise that is naturally part of a mature relationship. 9. He is not Mr. Excuses: When your guy is not the type that will give all sorts of excuses for not being with you during the weekend and he is always there at the right time, he is the one. 10. Plan B: Take the bull by the horns, if you are brave enough, pop the question, if you are not, drop hints. If he freaks out, know it wasn’t in his plans and you have actually shocked him, if he smiles, surely it’s not a surprise because he was thinking about the same. Good luck girls. Contact: kagire - eddie@yahoo.com