Enabled parenting: Dealing with disabilities in children

I don’t think of myself as someone who is easily impressed but I must confess that I am in totally awe of parents who deal with disabilities in their children. To watch the most beautiful, most loveable and unconditional treasure you ever held in your arms deal with anything less than “complete”, be it mental or physical for any length of time is no easy feat. I am forever grateful for every day of perfect health I spend with my children. Luckily I do not take any of it for granted. I grew up with two paraplegic cousins who lived into their mid forties. Needless to say, their mother was amazing even though it was a learning curve for the whole family. Every remembrance of my aunt fills me with awe and great appreciation. She was amazing! And I am grateful not only for having known her but also for the great lessons I picked up from her by proxy - the greatest of which are perseverance and the virtues of living a full life NO MATTER WHAT. Life should be celebrated. No one likes to be around self pity and everyone respects strength of character. My paraplegic cousins were born in perfect health and were without disability for almost ten years of their lives. Then the madness began. Sudden illness and inconclusive diagnoses; odd looks of mixed terror and pity from the neighbours who saw the once vibrant child regress to a dribbling 10 year old who cannot eat solids; dealing with the confusion of the other siblings; the financial strain; hateful feelings towards God and man… the list goes on. Dealing with human reactions alone is a separate challenge in itself. Looks of fear, of pity and sometimes even disgust become the norm. There are those who pretend not to see you with your disabled child, and those who start question-filled conversations about your disabled child and carry on like the child himself is not there! All things considered, it is a fair assessment to say that regular parenting is still a daily challenge. Parenting a child or children with disabilities or special needs can be a terrifying prospect especially if we allow ourselves to take into account our human weaknesses. I wonder how many parents stop to take stock of their blessings. We need to take fewer things for granted and be thankful for our children and families. We need to support each other as parents and take the time to be sensitive both as individuals and as a community. It worries me when I stop to consider just what kind of support is available here in Rwanda for the parent raising children with disabilities and special needs. Back to basics, are we as individuals aware and sensitive towards families dealing with disabilities? There is awkwardness about addressing disability that must be acknowledged before it can be addressed. God and someone help us all to understand this better! But in spite of human weaknesses, the human spirit can also be amazingly resilient. Adversities can bring out strength of character and strength of spirit that seems to be inspired by God Himself. I hope that we all learn to offer enabling support to those parents struggling with children with special needs.