Parenting the strong-willed child

Every time I observe little children, I am continually amazed by what they can pick up and learn and how much more aware they are of the things we usually take for granted as adults. I have often observed that the “strong-willed” children seem to be more aware of their environment than other children their age- perhaps because they tend to seize every opportunity to manipulate and bend you to their will! All children can display strong-willed behaviour but “strong-willed children” are exceptionally persistent, determined and usually exhibit more physical and mental energies than their peers. They are not easily swayed and are often described as difficult, stubborn, rebellious and impossible. Although they are often described as difficult, rebellious, ill-behaved, or wild, strong-willed children have the abilities to think creatively and are talented enough to change the world. This isn’t really surprising considering their character traits. I can certainly see why these children would mature into adults that have a distinct capacity for becoming very influential. And even though parenting a strong-willed child can be difficult at times, being strong-willed is not necessarily a negative trait. Research shows that parents who pay attention can avoid power struggles, even with their strong-willed kids, by empathising and offering alternative choices rather than engaging the conflict (fighting the child actively). Adopting a policy of looking for solutions that offer compromise rather than just “laying down the law” to force the child into obedience keeps strong-willed children from becoming explosive. It teaches them essential skills of negotiation and the value and benefits of compromise. According to Dr Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and parenting expert for mothering.com, having a strong-willed child is actually a lucky thing! Strong willed children can be a challenge to the parents when they’re young, but if sensitively parented, they can become terrific teens and young adults. Because of their strong-willed temperament they are usually self-motivated and they tend to go after what they want so they are usually almost immune to peer pressure. Because they also tend to be the passionate sensitive kind, they also usually tend to have a higher sense of integrity. But what exactly is a strong-willed child and how do you know if you have one? Persistence Once a strong-willed child begins a task, he will persist until the task is completed. Strong-willed children are very goal-oriented. Convincing your strong-willed child to change his mind about something can be difficult. High sensitivity Strong-willed children may have strong reactions to smells, noises, lights and other environmental factors - emotional or physical- that other people might not even notice. Even the slightest change in their environment can have a big impact on sensitive strong-willed children. High energy levels Not all strong-willed children exhibit high-energy behaviour, but many do. They may express their energy in running, climbing and jumping, or in building, drawing and making small projects. Being able to identify the characteristics of a strong-willed child is the first step toward successfully parenting one. They are tomorrow’s leaders.