Just got engaged? Things you shouldn’t ask her

After spending nine months as an engaged woman, I’ve learned that people can say some weird stuff to you once they find out you’ve been ringed up. So, here’s a little tutorial on what not to say to your just-got-proposed-to pal.“Whoa, what size is that diamond?”Think of this like asking what your friend weighs—unless she’s your BFF since birth, you just don’t make the inquiry. Same goes for the specific carats on your friend’s new ring. Truth be told, I wouldn’t even know what size my own diamond is had I not peeked at the specs on the certificate that came with it, and I assume many other women simply don’t even know. “OMG yours is so big compared to mine.”Really? Why would you tell a chick something she already knows (because she has eyes)? An engaged friend of mine told me that some girl, within two seconds of meeting her, grabbed her hand, then glared at her own fiancé to say, “Hers is bigger than mine!” Nice way to spread the awkward, and make your guy to feel like total a**.“Can you send me a picture of your ring so I can send it to my boyfriend?”Sure, because my engagement is all about your non-engagement. “Your ring is so cute.”Cute is a great word for describing a puppy, a small child, a mini-cupcake—basically anything tiny. While the size of a ring doesn’t matter (only the size of the couple’s love for each other…awwww), it’s rude to point out the itty-bitty-ness of the stone. Also, never say something like, “Oh, that’s a nice starter ring—you can always upgrade later.”“Took him long enough!”Okay, so we all know the guy dragged his feet—or at least it appears that way to everyone else. But judge-y comments like this one are just not appropriate—or very nice, ya hear?“How long have you been together?”An engaged woman recently told me that while this can be a totally innocent question, more often than not, “it’s usually asked in a judge-y, you-need-to-justify-your-engagement-with-years-of-prior-commitment kind of way.” Or, the question is used to compare the state of the asker’s relationship with your own, as in, “well this guy proposed after nine months, so why hasn’t mine?”“Have you set a date yet?”Oh, you mean in the two seconds since we’ve been engaged?“Can I be a bridesmaid?”Unless you are the engaged woman’s adorably precocious 12-year-old cousin, you should never ask this.“I can’t wait for the wedding/bridal shower/bachelorette!”Uh, slow your roll, sister. Something about engagements magically makes acquaintances think they are closer to you than they actually are. To save yourself hurt feelings—and to save the affianced in question some major awkwardness—wait for your invite before inquiring about these events.“Are you sure you want to marry him?”The only person allowed to ask this is your mom or your BFF and they are allowed to ask it exactly one time —and one time only—just to make certain that you’re not secretly wracked with guilt, stress, or what have you worrying that you’re making a huge mistake. Anyone else? Negatory.“Are you pregnant?”Um, #rude.“You are so lucky!”This is meant nicely, I’m sure, but the idea that lifelong love has something to do with hitting some kind of life jackpot is a little insulting. Most couples I know work hard to make their relationships as great as they are and there’s nothing lucky about that.“Are you sure you want that chocolate? Don’t you have to diet for your wedding or something?”This is usually said by some (single) frenemy who wants to make the engaged chick in question feel like sh*t for not being on some super-strict pre-wedding eating regimen. Keep your body negative comments to yourself.“Well...(long pause)...as long as you’re happy.”Passive aggressive much? Look, if you don’t have anything nice to say, then shut up. Don’t mention the divorce rate, the stats on the average length of first marriage, et cetera, et cetera. We know the odds. We don’t need reminding. Especially on our wedding days. A friend told me that, while she was a bridesmaid at another pal’s wedding, some bitter family member approached the group while they were getting ready and proclaimed that, “in four years you’ll hate your husband but you’ll still love these girls.” Mean!www.cosmopolitan.com