Spare the rod and spoil the child?

I remember distinctly the church sermon on “Spare the rod and spoil the child” and to be honest I hated it! I did not hate it because of the message, not at all. I hated it because as the sermon went on I realised that it had been interpreted literally. Looking back now, I actually suspect that the preacher was sending a not-so-subtle message to a family member- perhaps he had been in a situation where he felt he had to spank his child. He was certainly advocating for spanking as the preferred method of discipline and using the Bible to defend this choice. We heard him quote Proverbs no less than eight times in just that one sermon! We read four verses on the subject. All from Proverbs, all on the ‘rod’ as the choice form of discipline. The man was on a mission! Rod verses, which continue to cause a lot of confusion, are: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” (Prov. 22:15) “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” (Prov. 13:24) “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.” (Prov. 23:13-14) “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to itself disgraces his mother.” (Prov. 29:15) Don’t get me wrong, I am a believer and I cannot deny the wisdom of the good book but in my humble opinion, the message is not as literal or as simplistic as ‘beat your child into discipline’. The danger is that many parents have abused the message carried in the ‘Rod verses’. Even the Bible warns that parents should never abuse the power and authority they have over their children while they are young because it provokes the children to righteous anger. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children” (Eph. 6:4), and “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will be discouraged” (Col. 3:21). So what does “spare the rod and spoil the child” really mean? Where does it come from? The infamous quote and idiom is derived from Proverbs 13:24 which says, “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” I believe the message it puts across is broader than spanking. The message is that children will only flourish if held accountable for their actions, physically or otherwise. It is not limited to physical reprimand only. I am all for discipline and correction. It makes sense that a child needs to understand that there are consequences for wrong doing. Correction shows us that one is not above reproach and that they are accountable for their actions. Physical discipline should always be done in love, never as a vent for the parent’s frustration. It is also just one part of discipline and should only be used when the child shows defiance to a clear limit, not in the heat of the moment. Respect, authority, and tenderness should be the prevailing attitudes toward children. Cor. 4:21: “Shall I come to you with the whip (rod), or in love and with a gentle spirit?”