Jobseeker's Diary: What is Mugabe smoking?

I gave up on Robert Mugabe a long time ago. I’m done trying to figure out what goes on in his head. I’m done cursing and wishing terrible things on him. It’s really up to Zimbabweans to decide what they want. For all we know, they may not even have a problem with the old man so who are we to interfere? Besides, Tsvangirai kind of lost the plot. If you want to be taken seriously, you can’t be chasing women the way he’s been doing since coming into office. I thought he was smarter than that and I’m truly disappointed. Back to Mugabe, there’s one thing I’d like to know and that is what he’s taking, smoking or whatever because it’s working. The reason I ask is because I want to help my grandmother who is not in very good health. Her complications started well before she turned 80 and for the last ten or so years, she’s spent about as much time in hospital as at home, battling everything from high blood pressure and pneumonia to joint pain and whatever else afflicts old people. Mugabe might nod off during summits but for the most part, the man pretty much stays on his feet. I can’t even remember the last time I saw my grandmother standing up. She needs help getting into and out of bed. There’re days she stays in bed the entire day. A mild flu can quickly cause breathing complications and before we know it, she’s admitted. Her sight and hearing are failing too. She can’t eat anything with oil, sugar or salt in it. We’re fortunate to have many family members taking turns to take care of her but it’s not enough. That is why I want Mugabe to share his secret. I hope it doesn’t involve private jets and specialists in the Far East because we can’t afford that. Mugabe reminds me of the Action movies we watched as kids where we knew that the star always triumphed. “Star tafa,” the saying went, meaning the star never dies. It was a comforting thought for our young minds. No shots or blows were severe enough to take out the leading man. Of course things have changed and these days, the movie is even better when the hero or heroine dies trying to save his people. Mugabe remains an exception. Looks like he’s heeding a former dictator’s advice urging revolutionaries not to retire. If things stay this way, he might just make it to the Guinness Book of Records as the longest serving head of state. A significant number of his electorate weren’t even born when he took power but, like I said, I’m over it. I only feel sorry for the average Zimbabwean although I’m not sure I should, given that they are the very ones propping him up. I laughed when a young lady said she voted for ZANU-PF because Mugabe’s policies are tried and tested. It would make a lot of sense if he buttered her bread as he does for senior members of his party. Reminds me of all the sacrifices we make supporting these politicians. You head to a rally just to hear them speak. They leave in their Land Cruisers, most likely to some swanky hotel for dinner and you don’t even have transport back home. Young Egyptians are dying in their hundreds just so an ousted leader some didn’t even know over two years ago can be reinstated. Are any of this man’s children on the streets with them? Do they attend the same rundown schools or seek medical help at ill-equipped hospitals as the rest of them? Until that happens, I wouldn’t advise anyone to give their time or, most importantly, their life for people who are only there to serve their own interests. To be continued…