Relationships: Love at second sight

Seven years ago Jean-Pierre Murigande stood impatiently at the alter waiting for his bride. A few minutes later, Olivia arrived with her entourage and walked slowly towards her husband to be as the congregation clapped. Murigande’s smile flashed from ear to ear as the pastor requested them to say their vows. Today, Murigande confesses,“I can’t believe she is the same woman that I loved so deeply during our courtship days. I am not as attracted to her like before.” Some people say that someone somewhere is made for you and the day you come across him/her, you feel he or she is the one you have been waiting for all your life. Often though, even those who think they have found their perfect somebody, can drift apart. Were they not after all your perfect match? There are people who are physically attracted from the start, fall for each other and eventually end up getting married. Why then does it seem like a wrong decision after a few years down the road? The reasons are many and vary from couple to couple. One reason for sure is that most people often seek for love in different places say in dance clubs, internet cafés and cinemas, hoping to make it to the happy marriage dream world. The majority, however, end up becoming constrained when their relationships grow into marriage and family life. Reality hits them; it is easier to date someone than actually accommodate him/her. Gradually, the real self is exposed and often it is not what we wanted to see. This begins the contradiction between the person whom we have loved and the one with whom we have to spend the rest of our lives with. Although many stay together happiness and passion are left and forgotten somewhere in the past. Agnès Uwizera courted Danny for over a year. “Our dating days were happy days. However staying with him after we got married has exposed the other side of him that is slowly tearing us apart,” she explains. She never knew he had such a bad temper. Psychologists suggest that before marriage and for some time after it, people feel strongly attracted to each other, a kind of obsession or temporal emotional splash. As time passes by, the excitement disappears. It is thus important to love according to your head and heart and not simply according to lust. It’s important that you love a person the way he or she is and not the way you want him or her to be. Marriage lets us slip into our natural self and this is the time we have to accept each other as we are. It is key therefore to know who you are marrying. Patrice Ntambara says “When you buy a car, a Mercedes Benz for example, you expect it to remain a Mercedes Benz. The car won’t become a Corona with time; it will inevitably get old but will always remain a Mercedes Benz.” Love does not actually disappear after marriage on the contrary what disappears is the initial strong attraction. Spouses should therefore start a real trip of love after all true love is eternal. Contact: keishaed@yahoo.com