Teasing, bullying and positive skills

There is always excitement when your child comes of age and starts school truly. Forget about nursery or kindergarten which is all in the bracket of preschool. First year of primary school, and you feel like they have achieved some sort of graduation. In fact some kindergartens will nowadays hold a graduation ceremony. But despite this celebration of achievement and maturity, your six or so year old is still learning and trying to find their place in a confusing network that is their social life. Their peers are more important than ever as they try to gain their approval on the playground as well as in class. Unfortunately, the journey of discovery means that the children will point out flaws in each other as much as they strive to impress. More often than not, differences will also be perceived as flaws and may be a reason for teasing to begin. Sooner or later, all kids learn that words can be powerful and use them to their own end to hurt, praise, encourage or taunt as their social skills also develop. As a proud parent it is difficult to swallow the fact that your child may also tease. It may be because it’s the way they have learnt (however indirectly) or been taught to relate to others. If the family, siblings, or favourite television shows are taunting, it is no surprise that they will copy and mimic it. Usually most children will find themselves on both ends of the stick; as the teaser and the one being teased at one time or another. How to deal with bullying You can’t do much to prevent other kids from bullying your child, but you can teach the value of empathy and consideration and how to cope with the hurtful comments as an individual. Feel their pain. Acknowledge to your child that it hurts to be teased. Let them know that you understand. Teach them to communicate their feelings in a controlled manner. For example suggest that they tell their friends when they hurt their feelings. Also encourage them to spend time with the friends who like them and who make them feel good about themselves. Build them up. Tell them that while they can’t control what other kids say, they can decide how they will react. Ask them if they have ideas about how to deal with the teasing, and help them explore their options on how to deal with the situation positively. Create situations they may react to and ask them to play the role of the bully so you can show them a constructive way to react to the teasing. If they say, “You’re such a teacher’s pet,” for example, you might reply, “I don’t like being called names. I’m going to play with someone else today.” Teach them that it is okay to ask for help. It takes a lot of maturity to ignore a bully and teasing. If you find out that your child is being teased or bullied, you need to talk to their teacher about the situation. After all, if you cannot trust the teacher with your children, why leave them in their care?