Diaspoman: Why uniforms were introduced at Chez Flexi

During the mid-90s, there was a popular bar which Aggrey and I used to visit along the Kicuciro stretch. It belonged to a good friend of ours by the names of Felly. This pub used to target expatriates who headed several NGOs in and around Remera-Kicuciro triangle. Also, part of the clientele was supposed to emerge from the Airport area. Felly named his bar as Chez Flexi. He established it along the Kicuciro stretch and then planted a very good looking billboard that would help him attract customers. This billboard showed a picture of a male client puffing away at his cigar with a huge bottle of Primus in his hand. Seated next to him was an elegant looking female specie, whose hair touched her shoulders. Her smile displayed a long set of white teeth which reminded you of dry cassava tubes. Her lips were painted in dark red. In order to drive the message home, Felly put the signpost right in the middle of the road. This was effective but also somehow dangerous. As motorists drove past, their eyes never missed out on the painting of the lady, whose bum pointed backwards ready to sting like the Amavubis at our peaceful stadé. Occasionally as the drivers stretched their necks out to stare at the pictures, minor collisions occurred between these drivers and several pedestrians. Now, at this bar, there was a famous customer by the names of Mr. Kanzu. He had obtained this name due to his unquenchable love for the ladies. That is why he was named after ladies’ dresses. So whenever Kanzu walked into the pub, Bwana Felly would be assured of obtaining super profits. Felly would ensure that he got a seat nearest to the most charming lady in the room. Thereafter, we flukes would be prepared to guzzle as much Amstels as our throats would accommodate. This was also the best opportunity for Felly to inflate the guy’s bill so that the cash inflow would increase threefold. Well, one day Bwana Kanzu came over to Chez Flexi bar loaded to the brim. Not only was he loaded with some good cash but he also happened to have loaded a real Kigali chick. She had all the features that were portrayed on the Chez Flexi billboard. I guess that is why some regular clients mistook this new chick for a Chez Flexi maid. Before Felly could make introductions to his esteemed customers, greedy hands were already stretching out to touch those fixed assets that belonged to this rich client, Kanzu. As we stared in horror, the male customers started touching her legs and backside. Others touched her bosom while some began to tickle her nape! Mr Kanzu became so angry and threatened to withdraw his loyalty from Chez Flexi. Felly had to make a public apology on behalf of his patrons. So, Felly decided to introduce uniforms for his waitresses in order to avoid future calamities.