It is pretty obvious that where emotions are involved communication should take place. And when communication is happening, conflict may as well be somewhere roaming around to see if havoc will reign. Just how well we deal with issues can be the first way to address conflict. Try not to avoid the issue, use anger or even act all ‘sweet’ in a bid to cover the pain. That is denial. None of this will help the situation; it will only make matters worse. For one to communicate with emotional integrity you should be ready to test and be tested in terms of reasoning and response. This scares a lot of people but the truth of the matter is that for effective communication to take place, one has to take responsibility of their words and deeds. There must be honesty in speech. Often when a woman has something bothering her, when asked, she says everything is ‘fine’. But the truth is that she is not and the actions that follow ‘I’m fine’ will be cursing or crying – proving that she in fact is not fine. After listening to what our partners say to us it is our duty to validate the same and this is not done through assumption. For example, ‘I feel like we are distant from each other’ can mean a lot of things but to get what your partner really means, it is wise to ask “help me understand, did you say there’s a distance between us?” This will be taken more positively than when you attack. It is also wise to make yourself the subject with the use of ‘I’ rather than ‘you’. In the case you are the one seeking audience from your partner ensure that you clarify and are as honest as possible. You don’t have to spill your heart out but you need a choice of words, how best to say them and when to say them. If you are the one being addressed then listen carefully before issuing a response. It is important to handle one issue at a time without referring to the past or any other thing that is not relevant to the issue at hand. Do not ever walk out on your partner while they are addressing you no matter how annoying they may sound – it is disrespectful. Do not leave matters unresolved. With people with a phlegmatic personality, this isn’t a good idea as the nature of their personality is to postpone issues.
