When divorce is the only way out

Regional parliaments have been making front page news of recent. In neighbouring Uganda, the latest debate that has attracted mixed reactions has been about how high a woman’s skirt has to be above the knee; the mini-skirt debate. As the debate raged on, it could only get worse; one of the country’s dailies, The New Vision in its May 6 ran a story on how some women have shunned putting on panties altogether! Back home the debate in our parliament has is been much more serious than the mini-skirt talk. It is the family and persons draft law that is under review. One chapter of this draft law that has attracted great public attention is about divorce. A learned friend once told me that divorce is an experience that you would not even wish for your worst enemy. Looked at closely, this assertion holds true given the impact it has on the spouses, their children (if they have any) family, friends and community. The bitterness that follows divorce is sometimes hard to fathom. Just like there is no good way to cut your own arm off, there is no good way to divorce. Louis Nizer, the celebrated American trial lawyer, in his autobiography ‘My Life in Court’ says: “The chemical ingredients of rejection, jealousy and possessiveness certainly play a part in the explosive content. But there is something more; a mysterious element, which unbalances the mind, changes the personality, and distorts the character. It derives undoubtedly from the sexual ties which, if profound and ecstatic, can never be completely severed.” One writer equates it to death in family, its scars last for a life time. One of the major challenges that marriages have been faced with is the length of time they have to drag on when it is clear that the two can no longer tolerate each other. The law in its current form provides for divorce by mutual consent after five years. It also provides for three years to transform legal separation into divorce and one year as a long enough period to attempt to broker reconciliation between spouses. The fairly long enough time before divorce is understandable. This period should enable spouses exhaust all avenues leading to reconciliation. Marriage is built on the foundation of love. The Bible tells us that: “Love is patience, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”. But what happens when love and everything else fails? There are conflicting couples who cannot stand each other for even a minute and quick divorce is seen as the only end to otherwise a sad tale. Some couples have been forced to stay together against their will because of the law, while some have done so because of family and communal pressure. In many cases the end has been tragic. This is what makes the review of the family and persons law, especially the chapter on divorce, timely. Proposed changes include: the deadline to file for divorce by mutual consent be reduced from five years to two years, reducing the duration to transform legal separation into divorce to two years instead of three years, and reducing the time to attempt to reconcile spouses from one year to three months for divorce by mutual consent. This period could even be made shorter to curtail extreme consequences like spouses killing each other, suicide and the effect prolonged court battles have on welfare of those involved, especially children. However emphasis should not be put in the dissolution of marriages but ensuring that marriage as an institution prospers. Local authorities, religious leaders and education institutions have a key role ensuring that the sacred institution is allowed to grow and thrive. Some innovations in rural villages to stem conflicts in homes are already bearing fruit. Platforms like the recently introduced akagoroba k’ababyeyi (an evening for mothers) where such conflicts are discussed and addressed before they go out of hand should be used efficiently. Marriage should be protected but it should not hold people captive.