Diaspoman fiasco on Labor Day

Several years ago, I decided to celebrate Labor Day in a neighboring country. My visit was also in the name of exporting I.T services so that I could earn myself some quid. Before leaving Kigali for my mission, I had been reliably informed about a niche market in this land where office payroll clerks preferred to compute salaries with the use of electronic calculators. I was told that these clerks would first spend days typing out the different salaries using Microsoft Word but unfortunately, they didn’t know how to use the SUM command. Instead they proceeded to pull out the electronic calculators and add up the salaries. That is why I decided to visit this place so that I could introduce Microsoft Excel lessons. But when I arrived in this beautiful land, I decided to abandon the idea of teaching Excel to payroll clerks. Instead, I convinced myself that I would excel better in bride hunting. This is because my eyes landed on many nice looking future brides! So, I decided to visit this hot spot with a colleague of mine called Vincent. It was at this Karaoke place where bouncers are not there on humanitarian grounds. It didn’t take me so long to hook myself to this nice looking chick. We drank and ate until my small mission allowances were wiped out mercilessly. It was then time to retire back to my hotel room. But what I never realized was that my new catch had secretly kept ice cold bottles of Heinekens in her handbag! So, as we left the Karaoke, the merciless looking bouncers pounced on us! As I mentioned before, these bouncers were not stationed at this nightclub on humanitarian grounds. That is why they never bothered to advance comments such as; “Let us leave Mr. Diaspoman to go free because he is not only a tourist but also an I.T expert”. Instead the bouncers were barking orders; “Who the hell are you? Remove your shoes and belt. You are the people who have been stealing property from shops and pubs!” I was perplexed. My world was just sinking and all my I.T plans were fading in a flash. How did I end up in this situation? Was I not supposed to go back to Aggrey in Kigali with a success story about I.T transfer knowledge? Now I guess I would have to spend some good hours at the coolers. Phew! But as luck had it, my host Vincent who was busy enjoying the Karaoke with his buddies was tipped off about a scuffle at the entrance. Out of curiosity, he came by to check out the situation. He was shocked to find me squatting in misery. Upon seeing Vincent, I thanked my Gods. Vincent is a well-respected citizen of land. He is known to so many people and he is such an outgoing person. That was my sheer luck. Or so I thought. Having realized that I was in deep trouble, he offered to help by cajoling the security guards. He then released a hearty plea on behalf of Diaspoman himself; “Gentlemen, I would first like to congratulate you upon your successful crack down on petty thieves. Thieves have terrorized us for so long and they deserve punishment” Oops! I could not believe what Vincent was talking about! Anyways he continued; “However Gentlemen, I sincerely ask you in the name for friendship to pardon this tourist. He has had enough humiliation and I trust that he will never try to steal items from public places again.” Well it was obvious that Vincent actually believed that I was a petty thief. I tried as much as possible to convince him that I was innocent and that it was this lady who had snatched the items. Vincent just gave me an icy look before making this comment; “Birds of the same feathers flock together. You decided to go for con-ladies so you pay the price” I coiled my tail the next day and returned very fast to home sweet home.