Golden lessons from my 86-year-old father

The mood in the auditorium in Toronto (Canada) was sombre, and this was to be expected as we were all there, Rwandans and friends of Rwanda to commemorate the 19th anniversary of the Genocide committed against Tutsis in Rwanda. Every testimony given that evening highlighted the difficulties, pain and suffering endured by survivors of this unthinkable act committed against innocent people, but more importantly and inspiring to hear was how every person who spoke emphasised the need to pick up the broken pieces of their lives and rebuild our better selves not just for us but for our country and our departed loved ones. Equally amazing in the room upon completion of the evening programme was the display of love and joy of simply being around each other. You did not need to know someone to give each other hugs and there were plenty of smiling faces around. Soon after I paid a visit to my 86-year-old father, a man I love and admire a lot (my role model), but one that I’m known to have had passionate and spirited discussions mainly on politics and religion, and needless to say, not always but mostly on opposite sides. This particular night I was in a mood to listen and not for exchanges. Dad seized the moment and decided to talk to me about Rwandan values. His first words were that we need to reclaim our true Rwandan values not only to survive as a people but also to prosper with an unshakable foundation, one that will withstand strong negative winds from our detractors, both local and beyond “Rwanda as a country was regarded as a parent to all and what defined Rwandans was the love and respect for one another”. This was premised on two pillars, Gutabarana no kworoherana. Loosely translated, this would mean having each others back as Rwandans, supporting one another, looking out for each other and being tolerant of one another. These words struck me as simple but yet profound at different levels. Looking back, I would say that the Genocide in Rwanda was probably based on different factors, but hate, intolerance, greed and lack of respect for life featured prominently on that list. Kuba Inyangamugayo (a man or woman of great integrity). This was a character trait that was taught to people from a young age. It was not based on origin or ethnicity but rather on you as an individual and your positive actions and contributions in society. Honestly speaking, this is one area I thought that many of us need to work on and probably it can rub off onto our offsprings and theirs thereafter. He went on to mention that this was one quality that was also important in leadership. I then took the opportunity to ask what were some of the leadership qualities expected in your days? “They were many, but I will choose to highlight just three for the sake of time”. “A good leader had to be accountable, approachable and accessible”. Being an inyangamugayo leader obviously meant that you were not engaging in shoddy activities and you were accountable to your people. The notion of some leaders building imaginary walls and unnecessary bureaucracies around them is foreign to him, let a lone planning and executing a Genocide to exterminate your very own. To be put in a position of leadership was an Honour not to be taken lightly, but most importantly, a position to serve and set an example. As it was getting into the wee hours of the night, and he was getting tired and I was travelling back home the following morning, I requested that we should probably wrap-up and call it a night. He obliged, but had one final advice. Rwandans possessed something called “IHINYU”. This wasn’t about being dismissive or skeptical of other people’s views or opinions. This was the process of hearing something, absorb it, sleep over it, analyse it and then take action. Meaning that whether something is negative or positive, don’t just take it at face value. I was thankful to my father for an evening well spent and lessons well taken, but we went to bed in agreement that we will schedule another time for more discussions, probably his thoughts on democracy or international justice or whatever else.