Diaspoman advised to get a loan from Umurenge Sacco

I am happy that many foreign banks have opened shop in Rwanda. This means that I can walk to Equity Bank or KCB or any of our own local banks and negotiate for a soft loan! That is to say that the one and only Diaspoman is now seeking for projects to pursue so that he can abandon the life of poverty. Even after having graduated from SFB several years ago, I have still been feeling pangs of thirst as my pockets have consistently failed to raise the necessary quid to wet my throat. I tell you, SFB was also another huge test in my life. I remember that it was at SFB when I first developed the idea of obtaining a small loan. This was after facing the hardships of sitting for a tough exam which earned me zero marks! That is when I realized that school was becoming monkey for a mature entrant like me and I felt that a soft loan could help me start a business instead of sitting in class facing econometrics. I remember when I was in the examination room, I found myself writing a few things. I wrote down my names and reference number. In fact, I was even tempted to draw a picture of a house so as to pass time. But then I decided to just hand in my exam answer sheet before hitting the road. I fled away like a rocket and disappeared into the Gikondo area. It was at this area that I sat down to wet my throat with a dose of SFB. In case you have forgotten, SFB can also refer to “Sweet frothy beers”. Anyways, I happened to carry a few old francs in my pockets so I proceeded to buy myself an ice cold Amstel. As I was sipping down my new SFB, I spotted someone in a corner reading a copy of the TNT. Then I saw a headline which suggested that our very own Dr Don was in town. I later on learnt that Dr Don had flown all the way from Tunis to inaugurate the new ADB offices in Kigali. I began to smell opportunities. I started to fantasize myself heading for the ADB offices to table a very lucrative project. I told myself that since I had spent many years in the Diaspora, I was capable of convincing the ADB people into giving me a nice soft loan. So, I prepared myself for this big meeting. I secretly inquired about Dr Don’s whereabouts. Which hotel was he staying at? Who was he visiting during his spare time? Who may I call up to find these answers? Okay, I picked up my phone and proceeded to do what I do best. I beeped Aggrey. A few seconds later, Aggrey rang me. He asked me about school. Was everything okay? “Oh yes” I responded “I have just crushed my first exams and everything is on the right track my friend. Now, I’d like you to give me a favour. How can I meet Dr Don?” For a moment, Aggrey thought that I was referring to a medical doctor. He started to quake. He then frantically told me to hold on so that he could dispatch his driver pronto! “No no!” I retorted “I am not sick at all. It is Dr Don from the ADB that I’d like to meet. You know our former Minister of Finance? Yes that one! Can you possibly connect me please?” Anyways, to cut the long story short, Aggrey took me to the posh hotel where we found some of the ADB officials. They were his acquaintances. So, it was my turn to extend a handshake and put forward my story; “Gentlemen, I am glad to finally meet you. Aggrey is a very good friend of mine and he was kind enough to link me up with you so that I could finally meet Dr Don face to face”. The gentlemen were keen to help. However, they insisted that I first tell them exactly what it was that I needed the Dr for. Since I had no choice, I blurted out my reason. “You see, since he is now the new African Development Bank President, I was hoping that I could convince him to extend an ADB soft loan to me”. At this point, I noticed that Aggrey and the two guys were chuckling away. Indeed, they laughed at me claiming that ADB loans were meant for huge projects such as highways and electricity plants. They advised me to instead try the Umurenge Saccos…