It is that time …again

Today, April 7 marks the beginning of the Genocide Memorial Week. It is the 19th time that Rwanda as a nation takes seven days off its annual calendar to officially mourn, honor and remember victims of the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi. Like with every other occasion or custom, there are things to do and not do in this week. Most people will tell you that going to the bar to drink beer and cheer on your favorite sports team is a definite no-no. Also, there are statements and remarks you ought to desist from conveying to a bereaved person. Things like; “there is a reason for everything”, and “s/he was such a good person and God wanted to be with him/her”. Or “I know how you feel”, for there is no way you could possibly know how much grief some one is in. If you plan on visiting, there is one general rule that you should always follow. Do not be in someone’s house too often because they will get tired of your presence. Leave a healthy gap between visits, and don’t stay too long on each. Just make sure to keep the gaps between visits so that you are not imposing on someone’s hospitality. While in someone’s house, make sure to find out if there are specific seats or sections in the house that are preserved for particular individuals. Once your host sees that you are in the “humbler seat”, he will move you if he wants to honour you. What you do not want is for someone to make you move because you are sitting on someone else’s seat. In years past there was a rigid code that was enforced for etiquette in visiting other people’s homes, especially in times of grief. Nowadays the modern etiquette is based more on common sense. This means that you have to rely on your wits to judge on spot what is appropriate and what is not for a particular occasion. Standard practice as a house guest involves bringing gifts to the host. In this case, flowers, cards, books, candles and poems would pass as acceptable and safe gifts. Also try and volunteer to help in ways like preparing a dish, setting a bonfire and laying furniture or cleaning after the event. However if the host declines never insist as this would be an imposition. If you are visiting as a house guest always leave the bathrooms, bedrooms or anything you use organized and neat. When served food eat what you are given if possible. Never try to dictate the time or the menu for meals unless it is related to a medical condition or religious belief. If food is being served and you have a good reason to skip the meal, don’t do it while already at the dining table. It is just rude. Leave whatever you have used in the condition that you found it. I am sure your host will appreciate it. Although today most people are multicultural in outlook, sometimes cultural norms become crucial in your visits. Cleanliness is a general rule. Giving gifts is widely accepted but giving a gift that is too expensive or flashy is not acceptable in most conservative cultures. Be sensitive to the social norms especially if you are a foreigner. Better safe than sorry.