I am greatly honoured and humbled to hear from a fellow villager. How are you doing there? I hope you are fine. We are fine here. Kigali is rather hot at this time of the year. Man, the world fuel crisis is hitting us harder than ever before. As if to save us from the high rocketing fuel prices, some clever guys brought in a machine that tests car, to determine as to whether they are really road worthy. I took my twentieth century Corolla for the exam, guess what? The chap operating the machine told me that, my car ‘died’ long ago, his machine could not ‘see’ the steering and hence, I was told to park it in their scrap yard as they could not allow me to endanger other road users by operating a ‘steeringless’ vehicle, what if I came face to face with a VIP, wouldn’t I crash into his convoy? I was just watching TV and saw the floods in Illinois; this propelled me to thing of my fellow villager in the so called land of the free. Believe it or not, I could see pigs on top of the house. Reminds me of the Rutooro saying, “nyirurugo aho atali, ibikere byurira inzu” (when the family head is away, frogs climb unto the roof). By this time, he had developed another weird behaviour- requesting students to bring him food from their homes- amashaza, ibishyimbo- name it! As all odds would befall him, on a certain fool’s day (April 1st), one female student went to a nearby bush and collected some wild beans that apparently look like “amashaza” put them in kavera and proudly “timed” on his way home from school. She told Kavanca that she had brought him “Kaho” (amashaza) in Rutoro, to which Kavanca thanked her a million---- (it’s a long story as to what happened the next day!) Your letter got me thinking about Kavanca and that fateful April Fool (for those of you who need filling in, Kavanca was a menacing teacher from our village who fell victim to a thoroughly deserved practical joke…A young female pupil gave him some wild beans…) Having received the wild “kaho” (peas) and rushing them home, what followed is simply mere guess work. Let me not suppose that he ate or did not eat them, that his stomach ran or did not run at such a terrific speed that it would have earned him a speed ticket eh; or that, he faced “severe sanctions” from his chain keeper or not! What is for sure is that, that girl (the kaho giver) must have regretted why she had been born or why April Fools day ever existed. Kavanca, on finding out that he had been tricked, dragged the poor girl to the headmaster’s office as if he was Gorge Bush dragging Osama to Guantanamo Bay. According to rumours, this tiny office served two purposes: administrative space and torture chamber. Guantanamo indeed! Mention that someone was wanted in the headmaster’s office adrenaline levels would shoot as high as through the mouth such that some threw up! This is the very Guantanamo that Kavanca led the poor girl, and like all torture chambers, outsiders never knew what went on. Many developed ‘school phobia’ as a result of the savage and ruthlessness of the guy they called Kavanca. Who would not? His pastime was canning and torturing his pupils, even many villagers feared him very much. From what I hear, Kavanca has long retired from both the cheating or is it teaching fraternity as well as the face of mother earth, (Kavanca - RIP). He is survived by a horde of pupils (now men and women), who trembled at the touch of his notorious cane. Contact: Mfashumwana@fastmail.fm
