In-laws, here are the lessons from the Kenyan elections

ONE OF THE YEASTS in families, especially young ones, is the in-law thing. If one described in-laws as a species of primates that was left when the Neanderthals got extinct, it wouldn’t be that harsh. They are worse than amorous and tempting persons that can destabilise a marriage. I think relatives embody some façade of laziness coupled with an aura of superiority about them.It is like you spend all your time in the harsh lake condition, endure the strong winds in your rickety boat, and when you return with the fish, they are the first to ask why they are small. Really? The earth has moved on its axis so many times that the old cultural system of clans going to get you a marriage partner is no more.Today, a man spends a lot in courtship to win over a woman. This is just like what Raila and Uhuru did. They spent a lot of resources to canvass for votes. The last thing a man wants after getting down to making a home is a relative coming in to determine how he runs his affairs, how he responds to his wife’s behaviour, how much he leaves at home when going to work for daily expenses and so on. Yes, it is not cool for relatives to demand continued support from their son, who is married. They should instead take it as a favour when he continues to send money for fees for siblings and upkeep.A relative will visit and demand that his brother’s wife does his laundry, ironing and every other thing. Is the woman married to the family? It’s just like these so-called Observer missions and foreign media. They are making all sorts of noise in Nairobi now. But I say you should expect nothing after a man has dried his resources footing introduction and wedding bills and then paying dowry. Just appreciate that he is feeding your daughter and caring for her.A man should rule his home. He must act like the Kenyan voters; don’t allow external voices and pessimists to determine how you cast your marital ballot. When you decide to be tribal, just know that since you left your family to start your own home, the tribe that matters is your immediate family. When you choose to give your wife more ballot (pampering) than a visiting relative, do it without batting an eyelid.Last week, a man came to my clinic in Remera. He said his sister was giving his wife a terrible time, but that his family is siding with the sister and saying the wife has bad manners. I asked him how he weighs his wife’s manners. He was positive she behaves extremely well, so I told him to butt his sister out of the home.The man was puzzled. “He is my blood sister. And the homies keep reminding me that blood in thicker than water.”Deliberately, I wore a grin and for a long time and watched him until he became uncomfortable and asked if he had offended me. “You said your wife is pregnant, no? Whatever is in her womb now is thicker than the blood that is the past; your sister’s. Treat your family as a productive past, look up to them to curve your present and ensure the destiny of your future.”The point sunk in. He did just that. And, yesterday, he was confident it had worked as his sister called to apologise. If we give in to these relatives, they will in the long run demand we abort our unborn babies just to pamper their egos. If you vote for blood like a Kenyan, make the ink on ballot paper thick.

Lifestyle

In-laws, here are the lessons from the Kenyan elections