Excuse us, we need to go gossip in the bathroom now

A friend of mine once sat me down to explain in detail everything he found puzzling about women. I wasn’t sure what he was going to throw my way or if I would handle it, so I did what I do best and gave myself a little boost – and by boost I mean shoved about four tequila shots down before starting the conversation.Apparently it is an utter mystery why women need company to go the bathroom. “What goes on in there?” asked my puzzled friend. A lot of men seem to think there is a secret, like women have some kind of synchronized plan or traditional ritual, when it’s really a case of everything looking mysterious when you’re not in on it.Personally, I have watched way too many horror flicks to ever go to a bathroom alone, so yes, I go with company – you just never know what is hiding in those toilets! Seriously, I’m certain women have their reasons. Maybe they want some makeup advice? Maybe they want to catch up on some juicy gossip (if there are other people seated at the table)? Or maybe they are just scared of going to public toilets alone – like me!My friend also wanted to know why women’s bathrooms are always the dirtiest! To be honest, so do I! Obviously this varies from place to place but on many occasions, I am forced to sneak into the men’s bathrooms because the ladies’ are simply agonizing. I once befriended this janitor (that’s why I always have extra tissue) and he told me that women’s bathrooms are a nightmare compared to men! This is justifiably bewildering, since women are thought of as cleaner. When I am done with my research on this one, I will share.I’m guessing that from Cambodia to Ruhengeri, every man wants to know why women take so long to get ready. I don’t know about other women, but if I haven’t selected something to wear earlier, best believe I will spend forever trying on different things then to the utter irritation of the person waiting for me, choose the one I picked out first!Here’s the thing, women usually like to wear new outfits to special events or dates. While some aren’t wasteful enough to buy a new dress every time –they will probably want to combine the dress with a different pair of shoes, or shawl, or maybe cover it in feathers (I’m not going to judge) – to get a really awesome new outfit combo planned for that day.The problem with that new and exciting outfit is that if it hasn’t been tested before, even though those boots theoretically seemed epic with that skirt, once worn, it turns to something – disturbing. So you have a really bizarre outfit and some seriously wasted time!Apparently men are also baffled by women who wear makeup even to the local grocery store. Well – you are on your own my ‘zombie makeup’ sisters – I like a little makeup on a night out but going to buy airtime looking like Count Dracula’s wife is just ridiculous! Explain yourselves!