Relationships: Marrying Mr. Good Enough

Charlotte, 38, is by all standards a successful woman. Barely four months after graduating in the early 1990s, she got herself a good job working as a public relations officer at a big firm in Kampala and has since then shot up her career ladder. Currently she is a managing director of a top public relations firm. She drives a Range Rover, owns a four bedroom apartment and carries a blackberry for a phone. What more could any one possibly want? But something is a miss in Charlotte‘s life. According to Charlotte, there is more to life than money. “Money is not everything on the contrary when it comes to relationships. Money can’t buy love. Let nobody ever deceive you. It can perhaps get you somebody who claims to love you and will try so hard to make you feel loved, when in actual sense they are after your money.” Even with a flourishing career, a good car, good home, Charlotte is not happy. “I live with a maid. I get lonely staying alone with a maid but what can I do? I have decided to concentrate on building my career. Dating is such a hard thing, I meet men daily from all walks of life proposing to me but nobody has impressed me,” Charlotte says. After fruitless dating for six years, Charlotte made a bold decision this year to stop dating until she meets somebody who “qualifies” to be her husband. But what does Charlotte mean by “qualify”? Is it about the academic qualification? “Not really,” she responds. “My future husband must have or fulfill certain things.” For instance I am very principled person and I want a man who is the same. Very few men are principled, at least among the ones have tried to date. If I make appointment with a man to meet him at 8.30pm and they arrive at 8.35 pm, I cancel the appointment. And its easy for me to tell that this person is not principled .Principled people value time and honour appointments,” she explains. “I have a problem with men because most of them prefer women who are soft. I am very straight forward if I don’t like something I will say it whether you like it or not,” Charlotte continues. “Most African men are afraid of women who are independent and straight forward. If you take me to a place for a date that I don’t like, I will tell you.” “After a couple of disappointments I decided to concentrate on my career until I meet my ideal person.” And Charlotte is not alone. Many successful young women and men have deliberately chosen a life like Charlotte’s. Their career comes first and the rest follows. But while choosing a career over a vibrant social life is not a bad idea, dating is an aspect of life that one cannot afford to ignore. Anyhow, the essence of this article is to let you know that in life it’s hard to find a perfect person to marry. Or to borrow Charlotte’s words a “qualified person” to marry. Lori Gottlieb, 41, a single mother and journalist in U.S, advices singles to consider settling with a person who is “good enough” when it comes marriage, arguing that it is likely lead to long-term happiness. Too many people continue to believe in fairytales, in relationships that are packed with romance but lack long-term stability. Gottlieb writes that marrying Mr. Good Enough is a viable option, especially if the goal is to “land” a reliable life partner and create a family. “The point is not to settle for any schmos off the street, but a good guy you like, enjoy the company of, and have realistic expectations of,” she says. “If you want to be with somebody and you’re holding out, you may end up with nothing,” Gottlieb warns. However does this mean you should settle for less? Hell no! Be principled, stick to what you want but adjust where necessary. Why should somebody you are really interested in be disqualified just because they arrived five minutes late for a date? As you try to set standards at the at the back of your mind know you are dealing with human beings. And as a matter of fact to error is human. Contact: ubernie@gmail.com