Dear It’s a Guy Thing,I have been dating this guy for two years now and I believe he really loves me. However, I have this gut feeling that he is into one of my closest friends. I noticed he seems to enjoy her company very much and they chat online all the time. He once forgot to log out and I saw chats from her but they seemed harmless. I have spoken to him about it and he says it’s nothing. But something tells me it is not what he says it is. Am I just being insecure or do I have reason to worry?Olivia, Gikondo -----------------------------------------Dear Olivia,In my experience, I’ve learnt that the cause of insecurity in a relationship isn’t usually about the one who is doing something ‘fishy’, but rather the one feeling insecure if you can get what I mean. Often, one party is usually dealing with some internal issues that then simply manifest through jealousy, lack of trust and insecurity. Let us examine your case. You’ve been dating a man for two years and, as you freely admit, he makes you feel loved. And when you saw the chat messages, they were innocuous. So, where are you getting the gut feelings from? Is it because you don’t understand why he’d enjoy her company? Which then leads me to ask, why do YOU enjoy her company? Perhaps what you see in her is what he sees in her as well. Honestly, most women I know complain that their men DON’T want to hang out with their friends. Insecurity is one of the things that break relationships. Sometimes you just have to trust your bond as a couple. Deal with whatever you think is making you insecure as a couple. Sometimes all you need is a good conversation to clear the air.If you have a question, contact itsaguything@newtimes.co.rw
