There is more security in that ‘ugly marriage’

It’s that time of the year for us to step aside and give a day for village grown-ups in urban setting to paint our serendipitous streets red with popcorn love. They will be all over the place disguising their one-night-stands as Valentines. I hope this para is enough dedication to St. Valentines and the madness he infects humanity with every February 14.Now, before St. Valentines messes us up, let’s get back on track. It is about ‘ugly marriage’. And no, don’t ask me how I came up with that phrase, it just happened. Ugly marriage is where one half of the spouse is ugly, at least that way. Society is always questioning why beautiful girls go for bad boys or ugly men. And why handsome lads opt for Ugly Betty.Five years ago, Fox News reported about why you should marry ugly. Quoting a study, the media mogul said the best marriages are those where women marry men who are less attractive than themselves. Psychologists who studied newlyweds found men who were better-looking than their wives were more likely to be unhappy and have negative feelings about their marriage.Now take a strong shot of Tequila and let that study sink in. It is like telling us that by Amavubi Stars being ranked 137th in the world, they are better off than Spain when the two meet for soccer.However, let us reverse the sexes; men marrying ugly women. Yes, we have all seen girls we swear will never get marriage partners, only for us to see them cruising Rav4 with equally ugly-looking children. Sorry if I am too harsh here.Years ago in Kakira Sugar Limited estates, we had a leisure park in our village where we would play board games and cards. One day, Frank’s wife walked past. The village wag, with no sense of shame, cried out: “But Frank, really, why would you marry such a woman? People, look, there is no one in the world who can say she is beautiful, even Frank himself admits she is ugly.”Well-formed dentitions could be seen across. Even Frank himself smiled, albeit a wryly. I must admit, even if beauty lies in the eyes of the beer holder (a drunk person begins to see only roses even when the sober ones are seeing thorns), Frank’s wife was below average.When the laughter and subsequent comments died down, Frank spoke. Pointing at one of the guys, he said: “The other day you were jailed and fined for wife battering. Why? Because you were busy operating heavy machinery in the factory as someone operated your beautiful wife in your own bed.”The laughter turned the other side, but the message had not yet sunk in. Kakira is a sugar factory where labourers work in shifts. When one’s shift falls at night, it means leaving a wife alone in the home. But the same Kakira community, Uganda Health Ministry said in 2004, had the highest prevalence of HIV infections in the country. Many men went for night shifts, leaving their women susceptible to luring by amorous neighbours.Frank went on: “It’s true, my wife is ugly. But she gives me a sense of security. I’ve no reason whatsoever to be jealous. You all say she is ugly, so I don’t see any of you tapping her. I go for night shifts and leave the door open, only a thief can break, not a cheating man.”Whether Frank was consoling his ‘misfortunes’ (for marrying such a woman) or not is for another day, but his explanation was plausible. A woman’s beauty is often times her biggest enemy. She might never find a man, as many fear she is already taken. When she gets, the man is perpetually jealous and putting her life at risk of jilted actions.The Yoruba of Nigeria say that a man who marries a beautiful wife and one who grows his maize by the roadside face the same problem. So, before you drool over that Nyambirambo heartthrob every man is dying to have a chunk of, think about the suicide you might commit when jilted. But when you have an average woman, take heart. Lest we forget, every woman is beautiful in her own way. Happy Val!

Lifestyle

There is more security in that ‘ugly marriage’