As my pocket continues to weep in real shame, I have decided to become stingier when it comes to offering booze to friends. Not just any friends by the way! I mean friends who happen to be ladies. I want to emulate an old friend of mine by the names of Claude. For him, he believes in the following maxim: when the going gets tough, the tough get going! For him, the going always got tough whether he had money or not. He never bothered sharing drinks with friends and foes. Claude always came in alone and headed straight for the counter. He would then order for his favourite Amstel beer. When the barmaid opened the bottles for him, Claude would insist on keeping the bottle tops. To him, these bottle tops were important as he would just keep them in his pocket for purposes of accountability. When the bill finally arrived, he would pull out those bottle tops and compare the quantity against the bill. If any variance in the numbers emerged, Claude would raise hell. When his bottle tops didn’t match the bill, Claude would cross over to the counter and demand to talk to the owner of the bar. “You guys are petty cheats! You think I never went to school? You think I never used the abacus?” At this point, the owner of the pub would try to console him by offering him another bottle of Amstel at a discount. Claude would then sit back and relax with his pockets full of jingling bottle tops. All this could have been quite acceptable if only he had kept this behavior to himself. But no way! Sometimes, Claude would come with visitors from afar! And after several liters of booze, he would embark on his lousy behavior, leaving his guests quite astounded. One day, Claude surprised us when he walked in escorted by three dashing ladies. He told us that one of the girls was his fiancée whereas the others were her close friends. They settled down and as usual, the barmaids were on top in terms of customer service. Then, to the ladies’ surprise, Claude kept all the bottle tops in his pocket. Everything progressed on quite well until the bill finally arrived. Claude in his typical police like fashion proceeded to compare the bottle tops against the bill. Everything tallied. However, it was time to verify the quantity of the roasted meat. Unfortunately, the ladies had not kept count of the pieces of meat that they had chewed. Claude became so furious. “How on earth could you eat meat without counting the pieces? How do you expect me to verify the bill? Now I may be forced to open your mouths and count all those pieces of meat that you have mercilessly swallowed!” At this point, Claude’s future bride started to cry in shame. That was Claude for you! And now I am seriously thinking about quickly adopting these remarkable strategies so that I do not lose my cash to hungry barmaids and so-called friends. I will start keeping bottle tops in my pockets! I will also make sure that all the roasted pieces of meat are counted very well in advance. Nothing for nothing! So, see you at the bar later for abacus testing…
