Attachment parenting in our times

IT is the beginning of the New Year. In many ways I find that the New Year is the perfect time to ponder, reminisce, revise and rethink many things. It is also a time to be thankful for achievements and look forward to positive progress. As a parent, you often flashback and think on decisions made and hope and pray you are making the right choices for your children.My particular focus has been on attachment parenting. I have come across many opinions on attachment parenting, the pros and cons of it and explanations of what it means. In fact there is a whole global organisation/movement dedicated to attachment parenting. But what is it anyway?Attachment parenting is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of attachment theory in child developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, the child forms a strong emotional bond with caregivers during childhood which will have lifelong consequences. Sensitive and emotionally available parenting helps the child to form a secure attachment style which fosters a child’s socio-emotional development and well-being. The principles of attachment parenting aim to increase development of a child’s secure attachment and decrease insecure attachment. The eight Key principles of attachment parenting are:Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and ParentingFeed with Love and RespectRespond with SensitivityUse Nurturing TouchEnsure Safe Sleep, Physically and EmotionallyProvide Consistent Loving CarePractice Positive DisciplineStrive for Balance in Personal and Family LifeIn the busy times we live in today, perhaps the hardest principle to follow is providing consistent loving care. Loving care is one thing, consistency in life’s mad rush is quite another. Ordinarily, consistent loving care is all about presence. It involves:Re-evaluating your work arrangement options to permit your child to be cared for by one or both parents at all timesEncouraging the child to form an attachment to the caregiver and minimising the number of primary caregivers - Frequent turnover of caregivers can be very damaging to the attachment process Minimizing the number of hours in non-parental care as much as possible to provide the best opportunity for a child to build secure attachments with parentsBut how do you do you maintain consistency of the nannies that leave without notice? Whose primary goal in your home seems to be to open up their social lives and expose their availability to choice eligible bachelors? Maintaining your work schedule to earn a living is another obstacle. Recently, statutory maternity leave in Rwanda has been reduced to a mere 6 weeks! The modern parent has to make do with hired help to care for the child, crèche arrangement and for a lucky few, extended family. It has come down to maximising quality time. Attachment Parenting International (API) recommends holding and cuddling which helps parents and babies reconnect after being apart. Personally I also try to include the child in day-to-day tasks,(washing, cleaning, tidying) and spend as much time with family as possible. It is not easy and involves active self sacrifice and prioritising the child’s needs, keeping promises and creating an environment of trust and building a character of reliability. My ultimate goal is to make sure that no matter the situation, my children know that they can always count on me to have them at heart.When I think about attachment parenting and what it involves, I always come back to the same conclusion: It is all about sacrificing time, energy, opportunity for the sake of our children. But it is also about discipline. Respectful, loving and dignified discipline. So I hope that with this choice my children grow up to be considerate, empathetic individuals who realise that sometimes love is about putting a smile on another’s face and will often involve self sacrifice.