Making the most of your mistakes

Think of relationships as a school with many classes to face and lessons to learn. If you have been in more relationships than you care to remember, then take a walk down memory lane and take notes on what you did wrong in the past.Some women are lucky and can boast about being married to the boy who sent her a love note in high school. Others… well let’s just say it ain’t pretty! There is nothing like a relationship failure to create the incentive to start sorting through the gear of attitudes and beliefs that you carry from one relationship to the next. Although you might like to avoid the inner work necessary to achieve a healthier relationship, you have to appreciate that with insight you grow to make fewer mistakes.If you were quick to quit past relationships then you understand pain as well as you do regret. Fighting the urge to break up and developing patience and understanding may very well save a relationship deemed too challenging.Perhaps it is your criteria in choosing a partner that requires cross checking or the fact that in every relationship there is an outline of frequent communication disasters. Whichever it is, taking a hard look at yourself is imperative - especially if you don’t want your current or future relationship to fall into the same destructive pattern.For example, are you being led on? There is nothing worse than being left on hold wondering when he will style up and see that you are ‘the one’. You loosened other ties and literally delivered yourself to him on a silver platter, but three years later, he still isn’t moving towards any ‘real’ commitment. Those are casual daters and have serious issues with marriage; bringing it up might only make him sprint away. However, marriage isn’t everything so, that can only be your call, depending on how desperate you are to get a ring.You may be attracted to each other but attraction isn’t exactly relationship material – it’s going to take more than some pretty eyes and deep dimples to keep the liaison going. Some women choose to ignore red flags; hoping things will be different with them. So what if he guzzled about 20 Amstel’s on your first date and continues to be Braliwa’s number one supporter or that he was married six times and according to him each time was the woman’s fault? Seriously, how can six women be wrong? What kind of women does he go for? Think about that.Communication is a two way street. Dictatorial communication skills are often a symptom of beliefs of disparity. Whether it is you giving the orders and venting away for hours or your partner who thinks his way is the right way and you should have nothing to say, the relationship will suffer.Words can be powerful, but how you say them can be even more powerful. Examine the way you communicate and the mentalities it stems from. If it needs changing, adjust it by working first on your own style of communicating.Admitting you made mistakes in a relationship is difficult to swallow especially if you are the kind of person who doesn’t like to admit they are wrong. I know this first hand so trust me. End this blame game by focusing on your behaviour that contributed to the problems in the relationship. Forgive yourself and make strides in learning from those mistakes and working towards never doing the same thing again.Finally, if you are looking for the perfect man, call me a pessimist but you will never find him so stop looking. Don’t miss out on a great person because a perfect one is a myth.