Couples caught up in the passionate throes of jealousy make me wonder if their love is more real than any I’ve ever had, or ever will.I‘m not a “jealous person.” I believe jealousy is a seed you must actively ensure is not watered, lest it grows into a tree that will cast a shadow over your coupling, withering everything that was once good in its shade of bad feeling.I suppose it’s no unrelated point that in relationship behaviour politics, I’m left-of-centre. I believe extracurricular flirting within reason is healthy (I’d go so far as to say it nourishes the soul) and I love seeing a boyfriend make another woman laugh at a party. So my apathy is fairly natural but also, as my jealousy-as-a-seed metaphor demonstrates, something I purposefully discourage. In my last relationship (five-and-a-half years), jealousy didn’t play a part -- from the outset I made it clear I wouldn’t entertain it. Four months in, when he made a semi-provocative comment about a male friend of mine. I reacted swiftly and strongly to what I perceived to be the potential start and growth of an unhealthy standard.He wasn’t particularly jealous, anyway (compared with other men I know), but I didn’t give him a chance to work on it. To me, because we were in love and committed, it was a wasted emotion. I also knew I don’t “get jealous,” so I wanted to avoid ever having to deal with it coming one-sided at me. Hence my lecture that jealousy is just insecurity on the doubter’s part and should be dealt with accordingly, rather than projected onto the other party.I’m aware I speak with the assurance of someone who has never experienced a heart broken by cheating (this is something I feel both grateful for and at the mercy of, but that’s another piece).Xojane.com
