Relationships: Are you marrying me or my money?

Larry Burkett, a financial counselor and also author of ‘The Complete Financial Guide for Couples’ noted that money is either the best or the worst area of communication in marriages. Money is the number one cause of divorce, according to Burkett. Jimmy Byawaka, a bachelor and university student at Makerere University, believes the problems of money come from people’s perceptive of it. Men and women are different when it comes to money. “Men tend to take more risks and do not save for emergencies but use money as a scorecard and can struggle with self-esteem when there are financial problems. Women tend to see money more as a security issue,” he continued. Byawaka concludes that because of those differences, most women find money an important part of marriage too as they always want to be financially secure after getting married. Pierre Ndahiro, an accountant and married man, echoes Byawaka’s argument but adds that people, especially women, think money buys happiness in their marriage, yet it doesn’t. “True, wealth increases human happiness when it lifts people out of abject poverty into the middle class but it does little to increase happiness thereafter. In fact happiness is an emotion that can be influenced by many factors, but never controlled directly,” Ndahiro explained. Patricia Akamanzi, a shop attendant in Remera, believes that money is an important factor when deciding to marry someone. “It shows that the guy is capable of supporting his children and his wife. If he can not do so then he is simply a worthless man,” she explained. Francine Umutesi, a receptionist, says, “today you hear of ‘gold diggers’ meaning those after milking others’ money.” She continues: “because I am a poor girl, I care less how much money anyone in love with me has. What matters is having good manners.” Paul Kaganda, a herdsman who has been married for 35 years says marriage is a partnership. “As the preacher said when we were tying the knot, ‘And now you are ONE’.” Both parties need to be involved in the finances. Separating the finances and splitting the bills is a bad idea. While fighting over money is pretty normal but you can’t have a great relationship until you can communicate and agree about money. If we can agree on the cheque book, there would be nothing left to fight about except who gets the remote! Contact: eddiemukaaya@yahoo.com