The title may sound pretty depressing and very vague but I kid you not, my latest anxiety attacks about my life are very real.I’m surrounded by so many successful smart people that sometimes I hit my version of rock bottom (quite the drama queen, I know), and simply do not feel like I am accomplishing everything I should or at least being true to myself.“To thine own self be true…” from Shakespeare happens to be one of my favourite quotes and something I promised myself I would live by. I figured no matter how busy life got I would always be able to say I was a good person who followed by beliefs, stuck by word and gave back to the people around me even in the smallest way. Yes I want to be quite wealthy and also be able to give back, Bill and Melinda Gates do it all the time, why can’t I? I have such a hectic job that whenever I can get some ‘me time’ I would rather cozy up on the couch to my favourite shows or catch up with family and friends than go do the things I know I should.So my question is, am I not being true to my self if I’m working hard for the future and slacking on some parts on life. Or I should be able to maintain all my goals at the same time? I have a friend who always tells me I’m quite harsh on myself and I always tell him that if I’m not then who will? My parents were never very critical of me while in school because they already knew I was very self-aware. So now I am always my own worst critic.I guess a problem with our generation is that we were taught we can have it all. And maybe that is my problem. I am not patient enough. I want to do it all now or at least feel like I haven’t lost sight of what my college self wanted because honestly, I don’t if she was smarter or more naïve than current me. I feel like current me works on routine and on the orders of others with no space to have my own thoughts and let me dreams wonder like they used. I have to be realistic and know that with current responsibilities, I simply cannot do a job I just love because it won’t pay my bills. Plus, I need to gain experience for me to be at a place where I can do what I love and pay the bills but why can’t it move quicker? Why can’t some genie grant me a view into my future and tell me everything will be okay?Anyway I hope some of you 21st century woman out there are having better luck at figuring this thing we call “twentysomething” life and for those over these years well congrats, you survived and I pray you have everything figured out .
