Humour: Back to school

The phrase ‘back to school’ evokes both sad and happy memories in the minds of many of us; sad in the sense that, those days are long gone and gone forever, happy in that, they really remind us of either something remarkably fantastic, fabulous, captivating or enchanting? What do I mean?? Well, well, well, it is like, the first day one went to school or the day one first put on pants or the day one fell in l- l- l - love!? Forgive me, when I get exited, I develop a sort of stammer; this affects my pen as well! The first time I put on shorts was when I was ‘condemned’ to go to school, yes, that was the time, it was a cardinal rule for pupils to wear a school uniform: a pair of khaki shorts and a pink shirt. Sometimes, I wonder why pupils those days were condemned to wearing those brightly coloured uniforms, may be as part of the ‘Highway code’ (this was to do with the usage of roads by both pedestrians, cyclists and motorists alike) so that the school children could easily be seen from afar; the uniforms served as a sort of “light reflector”? Primary school was quite uneventful, it was characterised by untold suffering at the hands of the overzealous teachers who derived their happiness from beating the shit out many a hapless children. On our part, there was this guy (a brute of a teacher) whose pre-occupation was canning pupils; he was popularly known as “Kavancha” a name derived from a science lesson of which he was the Science Master? Word has it that, he used to pronounce the word curvature as curvanture and hence the name? We were very lucky to graduate from primary school and escape the loathed Kavancha. Now days, I get perturbed by the so called parents that do not want their children caned at school? Don’t they know the saying, “save the rod and spoil the child”?? During our days, it was vice versa, “save the child by spoiling the rod”,? kabisa, kiboko ziriwaka! A ‘must have’ in secondary school was a pair of shoes. How on earth would a “senior” walk around bear footed?? There was this chain shop dealing in affordable new shoes, known as BATA? There was a popular TV advert in which a voice says that, “First to BATA and then to school”, the next thing is a child being taken to school, this child begins crying, asking the dad to take him to BATA and then to school? Maybe the kid thought BATA had an assortment of delicacies!? Gone are those days, I am not about to cry for the BATA shoes? As a result of being harassed by the “Blue Boys”, what others call “Road Owners”, I have decided to go back to school and study law (amategeko) so that I can come back and fight fire with greater fire!? And so once again I am heading back to school… Contact: Mfashumwana@fastmail.fm