Asking yourself what you need in a relationship

I have everything I wanted in a marriage…but I wanted the wrong things. This is a phrase used by a character called Gabrielle Solis, a beautiful wife with rich husband, big house, and bottomless bank account in the TV series Desperate Housewives. Mrs. Solis sets the tone for the series with this simple but poignant statement about her marriage. Come to think of it, many of us are in a quagmire just like Mrs. Solis.Have you ever asked yourself what exactly it is that you need and not what you want in a relationship? Do you want to be in a relationship or married because the man is rich, or because you are in love?Forget about the deep pockets…make the decision with your head.Defining your core valuesWe all have our core values in life that we grew up believing in. These are tenets that keep you grounded, and you follow them no matter what changes in your life. So, when you put down your list of what you need, just make sure this will make you happy even 100 years down the line. This means you choose a person who shares your core values, a person that you will not look at 10 months later and regret why you even married them in the first place.Understand your emotional needsMost often than not, our emotional needs define the finer points of our relationships. We must therefore acknowledge these emotional needs before we can find someone who can fill them. A need for intimacy, for sexual gratification and satisfaction. A need to be honoured and understood and even accepted by our partner. These are all important aspects of who we are. Each of us has our own way in which these needs must be met in order to feel happy and secure. Understanding what fulfillment means to you is paramount to finding a partner with whom you can feel satisfied and happy.Identify your love patternExperts say we should look for clues in the good relationships we already have with friends and family members. Think about the relationships in which you have felt you could grow and the ones that left you feeling fulfilled. Not just romantic relationships, but any relationships with family and with friends. Think about relationships you had or currently have that bring out the best in you. Think about the people who make you feel safe and secure, the people with whom you can be yourself. Eventually, a pattern of personality traits will begin to emerge and you will be able to know what you will need when you decide to enter into a relationship.Testing a potential partner Never judge a book by its cover. Many of us seek for partners who are attractive and with deep pockets, without as much as testing whether the two of you are compatible or not. Usually when a person enters into a relationship and they feel something is amiss they experience cognitive dissonance, which means that your head believes one thing and your heart another. Always give a new relationship a window period of about 120 days and then when logic finally sets in, you will make the right decision with your head and not your heart.When a person defines what they need in a relationship, they are in a good position to think clearly, other than seeking someone who will rescue them from poverty or bored life at home with parents. Like Mrs. Solis, you might get everything you ever wanted and miss that one thing that you really need.

Lifestyle

Asking yourself what you need in a relationship