With Dr. Rachna Pande

Dear Doctor,I was raped 2 years ago. The experience has traumatised me since. I got married a few months ago to my long time loving boyfriend. He is very supportive and tries to do everything to help me forget the ugly memories of the rape incident. However, I lost all interest in sex.Although my husband tries to be understanding, I sometimes sense his depression simply because I resist all sexual advances from him. I don’t want this to ruin my marriage. What should I do?Clarisse Ingabire 26 (real name withheld on request)Dear Clarisse,What happened to you is indeed very unfortunate. Rape is not only a physical assault on a woman but it is also an assault on her sovereignty and dignity. It causes both physical and mental trauma, sometimes for life.Rape leads to external and internal injuries, including trauma to the very delicate female genital parts. These injuries can lead to pain, swelling and infection ofthe pelvic and urinary organs in the immediate aftermath of rape causing much suffering. Later in life, due to damage to the soft tissues of the pelvic area, there can be pain during intercourse, problems during childbirth, chronic pain in lower abdomen and over pelvic parts. A woman is also endangered by rape as there is a potential risk of acquiring sexually transmitted diseases as well as chronic pelvic infections. Infections like HIV/AIDS and Hepatitis B and C can also be transmitted through rape. The risk of an unwelcome pregnancy is always there.Apart from the physical suffering, rape is mentally disturbing and shocking for a woman. Many victims go into depression and develop apathy towards life after such a tragedy. These multiple factors make a woman lose interest in sex. Any sexual encounter reminds them of the trauma experienced in the past, creating repulsion in the mind for sex. This frigidity can lead to disruption of normal marital life and even divorce.But you have been lucky to find a very understanding and loving partner. I hope you were medically examined thoroughly after the assault for external and internal injuries. It is also important to exclude chronic pelvic infection through appropriate tests as that can also cause pain during intercourse. If there is an infection, it can be treated with appropriate antibiotics.It is high time that you make the effort to put your past away. You need to keep yourself busy. Try finding a suitable job, try learning new skills or advancing your education. This will keep your mind off the traumatic event and help you cope with your life.Your partner needs to become your very best closest friend. Then you will feel very comfortable with him in all situations. For some days he can be content with just hugging and kissing before becoming very intimate. While making efforts to overcome the emotional trauma, you can also try to respond to his intimate movements voluntarily by the condition of your mind. You have to remind yourself every day that the past has passed and now you have a happy stable life waiting for you. Please do not ruin the present and future over your past.Gradually you shall be able to lead a normal married life both physically and mentally.Dr. RachnaPande