Why we don’t trust our ladies

Alright, ladies and…well, ladies only. Listen, you all want to talk about how we don’t trust you when you go out, don’t you? How we turn into jealous and nervous wrecks the moment we step into the public arena with you. Here’s the truth of the matter, we DO trust you. We really do. It’s just that there are two things that we don’t trust when you’re out. These two things are simple; we don’t trust our fellow men and we don’t trust your drunk alter egos. What am I talking about? Let’s start with every soul that is called a man. We men do not trust fellow men as it is clearly foolish to do so. Why should I trust a man? I happen to be a man myself, and therefore know what sort of creature a man can be. Therefore, it’s just out of the question that I should entrust a fellow man with my woman. Why? Because every single one of us men is a dog. I know this because all men are dogs. Personally, I’ve been called so by a woman or two (and my friends assure me they’ve been called so quite a few more times). Most guys are beasts when it comes to women, especially forbidden women. These beasts will always find their way into situations to manipulate girls who have boyfriends, and get them to cheat on us. The classic response the ladies will offer for their cheating ways is, “Because all guys are scumbags and have all done it to some poor girl before.” So really, it’s not you we don’t trust; it’s them. We can’t bring ourselves to trust other guys (with who you perform the cheating act). And then we have your drunk alter ego, which too is not easy to trust. What’s this drunk alter ego anyway? Well, it’s that side of you which decides when to flirt and get all cozy with every fool at the bar when we (your real men) are not around. You are there, being drunk and getting all crazy. You think it’s harmless to go and whisper in that guy’s ear, meanwhile he’s thinking you want to eat him alive. You also think it’s okay to rub and grind on the loins of that other guy on the dance floor. While at it, the last thing you realise is that you’re simulating the sex act itself, therefore, that’s not likely to be okay with us. So when we tell you that we trust you we actually mean it. But when we tell you that we don’t trust every other guy out there and your drunk alter ego we mean that as well. You need to choose for yourselves which answer you take for truth. But above all, you need to realise where we’re coming from. We know guys because we are guys as well. You, on the other hand, do not know what guys are because you are not guys. We do trust you, it’s just the other factors that we don’t trust.