Relationships: Do you know what you want?

We all get into different kinds of relationships. At different times in our lives we are looking for different things. For example, young and unemployed it is unlikely that one is looking for wife or husband. Here, I’m talking about the affection that develops between two people. Such a relationship can be compared to soil placed into one’s palm. When held tightly and carefully, it will stick, but when held loosely and carelessly with an open palm, it will pass through your fingers and disappear. Before entering into a relationship one should pause and consider exactly what they are looking for and whether they are ready for it. If you are looking for someone to wile away the hours but have no intention of committing in the long term, both sides of the deal should know from the outset. While a relationship is a journey whose destination is not fixed, knowing what you are looking for in a relationship will help you as the trials of that relationship set in. Take, for example, a squabble that all couples go through. Often it becomes hard to reconcile. Some people think that they will lose their self-esteem or respect if they admit that they were in the wrong and say sorry. “Reconciling in a relationship is important”, says Johnson Mugabo, a Psychology student at the Liberal University of Kigali (ULK). If they are to stand the test of time relationships need working at. Despite what it says in fairy tales, even with your true love the path will not be easy. Deus Ntare who has a long term girlfriend says that partners must understand that relationships have peaks and valleys, but the lower apart of it does not necessary mean that one has fallen out of love. Take time to think about what you want and what you think will make you happy. While the answers are never obvious and we must all be prepared to let our hopes change and grow, a little thought could go a long way to helping you find that perfect partnership. Jean-Marie, a friend of mine, told me that he is planning to switch off his phone, pack his bags and stealthily vanish to another country. Why? He is running away from his longtime girlfriend Karine, who is determined that by the end of this year, the two lovebirds walk down the aisle. How did two sides of one relationship come to want such different things? Karine is not to blame; Jean-Marie had after all promised her exactly this two years ago. Jean-Marie had assured her that they would date for one year, then officially wed and live as husband and wife forever. However, two years and five months have passed and he is not showing any plans to honour his promises. Jean-Marie claims that he has not yet landed a permanent job and needs some more time, at least three years. If Karine had known what was on her man’s mind she could have made her own decisions about the relationship’s future. This story is not uncommon. Too many of us our being hurt by our partner’s failure to think about what he or she actually wants. So be wide awake when entering into a relationship, be clear and upfront about what you want. Contact: lindaonly2005@yahoo.com