After the ado of Kigali and its environs, not forgetting the self-styled “Dentists” of this city; I am no authority in determining as to who is one or not, but if one confesses to being one, then let him be known so! With the ever increasing pains in acquiring any single unit of currency, it becomes quite understandable for such characters to exist and to harness their acumen. The other day, I had an argument with some guys after a Muzungu had lost her handbag to some “Maibobos” (read street kids – my bob). Many of the people were of the opinion that, the western world had exploited us for so long and that, if an African gets a chance to rob them, he is merely taking back what was robbed from hisforefathers anyway! How much water that holds, I don’t know, I am a mere villager! Talk of being robbed and an incident that nearly soured our good evening at “Club B”, when we took to the floor for a dance, some unscrupulous characters took it upon themselves to snatch our drinks. Maybe they toowere thinking of the notion of taking back their fathers or forefathers’ proverbial “pound of flesh”! If you haven’t read any of Shakespeare’s writings, you might not understand what I am talking about. As a matter of fact, the English language of the “Dot Com” children and ours are two languages apart. Truly, even the music of nowadays is funny too, someone begins by singing his name, e.g. “Uyu ni Kitoko” (this is Kitoko), as if the people for whom he is singing are blind or deaf! If he does not keep repeating himself time and again, he makes gibberish sounds and calls that music! As I was saying, the “good for nothing” guys stole one of our colleague’s glass of J&B whisky, he had just bought 3 tots for a cool 6K and it was stolen in a twinkle of an eye! Sometimes, some people get what they deserve; in the 1980s, in Kampala, we used to go clubbing to the likes of “Ange Noir”, “Club Silk”, etc. There were lots of guys who had the bad habit of paying the entry fees and waited for the more loaded Patrons to arrive so that they could buy their drinks and the former would simply steal them on and on till they were “dead drunk” at the expense of others. I had this friend called Kamya, I understand he is now living and practicing as a “Sangoma” (Witch Doctor) in South Africa. It seems like; Kamya had alreadydeveloped the art of being a Sangoma long before he became one. He decided to “cure” the ill habit stealing people’s beers once and for all. Medicine is medicine irrespective of how or where it is “manufactured”, if it is good medicine, the “patient” has to take it and it will cure him or her! Since it was meant to cure a human “ailment” it had to be “manufactured” by a human being as well! Kamya brought in three bottles, one of “Nile Special”, the other of “Bell Beer” and the third was of “Tusker Malt”; all this was done with the consent of the Club owners because, no one is allowed to smuggle drinks into clubs. We bought some other beers from the Club and emptied them into our bellies. Asthe music began to heat up, we got up for a dance, on returning, the three bottles had been stolen. Not long after, the culprits were got, they were arrested in the toilets as they were busy puking out the“beers”! We later learnt that, the “Beers” Kamya had brought in were not simply brewed, they contained “human urine”. Word spread and many beer stealers stopped the habit.
