Atheism is a non-Prophet organization. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? I went to a bookstore & asked the saleswoman, Where’s the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? If a tortoise doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny? What was the best thing before sliced bread? One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algaebra? How is it possible to have a civil war? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Whose cruel idea was it for the word Lisp to have an S in it? Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket? If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? How come wrong numbers are never busy? Do people in Australia call the rest of the world up over? Does that screwdriver belong to Philip? Does killing time damage eternity? Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Why is it that night falls but day breaks? Why the third hand on the watch is called a second hand? Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors? Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop? Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it? Did Noah keep his bees in archives? Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans? Do pilots take crash-courses? Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers? Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? How can there be self-help groups? How do you get off a non-stop flight? How do you write zero in Roman numerals? How many weeks are there in a light year? If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman? If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe? If Barbie’s so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends? If cats and dogs didn’t have fur would we still pet them? If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of? If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags? If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the fish look the way they do? If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of? If you jog backwards, will you gain weight? Why do the signs that say Slow Children have a picture of a running child? Why do they call it chili if it’s hot? Why do we sing Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Ends
