I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now and we were happy and going along with the relationship. We were so in love and planning to settle down; suddenly he lost his job and he pushed me away. He decided that we should take a break and think over what we want, the break lasted 5 months.After 5 months he came back and decided he wants to start over again and just continue dating, without thinking of the future like before. He says he can’t live without me, yet this time he is not committing himself wholly to the relationship. I still love him deeply, what should I do.JacquieDear Jacquie,When a man loses his job, it is like his whole world has come crumbling down on him. Never underestimate the power of a man’s job to affect the rest of his life. There’s something deeply psychologically ingrained in men that causes them to feel terrible when their career or job is out of place.Job loss is hard on both men and women, but unfortunately it hits the men harder. It is understandable that a man’s life can be destroyed in a second the minute he has no job, because of the many obvious reasons to this.First and foremost men are the heads of homes, so you can imagine the responsibilities on his shoulders that he has to take care of daily, yet this is only made possible if he has a J-O-B that will enable him pay his bills. Failure can lead to a very bad situation.Other than the fact that some men go into depression when they lose a job, and another one is not forthcoming- in extreme cases they take into drinking alcohol thinking that they can actually drink their problems away, unfortunately this resolution has never helped.One of the major ways that men gauge their own attractiveness is on their ability to affect the world in the way that they intend. Men live in the world of wins and losses, victories and defeats.And it pervades through the culture. For example when someone is being nasty and wants to shoot down a woman’s attractiveness to men, they will insult the woman’s appearance or weight. But when someone wants to insult a man’s attractiveness to woman, they will insult his ability to “win” in the world — they will call him a loser.A man can’t help but feel like a loser when he’s lost his job. As a result, your boyfriend probably feels like a worthless loser on the inside. And as a worthless loser, he probably feels that he doesn’t deserve love, affection, a relationship or sex from a good woman like you.In fact, he may have wanted to break it off with you because he feels that you don’t deserve to be “stuck with a loser like him”. He might be trying to give you an exit point so that you don’t have to be stuck with him and feel obliged to be with him in his crumbling world. At the same time there is a prayer at the back of his mind that you stay with him, and that will mean that you really love and care for him, and his ego will not be bruised.When a person loses their job it is good to encourage them and assure them that it is not the end of the world, and maybe something better will come their way. But this person should also be willing to be helped.It is good that you are standing by the man you love, but again love is give and take- as a woman you always have the dream to settle down with the man you love. If he is not willing to share his life with you – take a flight!Congratulations Rwanda at 50!
