The Hater

…trim all their fingernails except the one on the little finger. First of all I would like to apologise to all my fans for not having hated on these goons before. How could I have spared these disgusting men (yes they are usually men) to this day? How do you discriminate against your fingernails by cutting some and leaving one to stand out like a lost child? Why do these jokers even do this? Can someone even tell me the use of having a long nail on the little finger? Is it used like a screw driver or a tooth pick? These jokers ought to have these nails plucked out from the root to teach them a lesson. …try to talk to me when they can see I am wearing earphones. Some people amuse me in a rather annoying way. They see you with earphones as you listen to some music by Jamaican artist, Konshens but they insist on talking to you. Can’t you see that my ears are simply not available at this time? Although you may see me walking in Giporoso, the music streaming into my ears is actually ensuring that my mind is in Kingston, Jamaica so please leave me alone. Yes, I know you want to greet me but this is not the time. Sometimes, The Hater needs to be left alone to listen to some music. Is that too much to ask? …think it’s cool to wear huge headphones and walk around town. In case you have not seen the kind of people I am talking about here then you can count yourself lucky. I am talking about the ones who think it is some kind of ‘swag’ to walk around with huge DJ like headphones. Dude you are not a club DJ and you simply look pathetic with those things on your head or worse still, around your neck. The only thing that you benefit from wearing such huge headphones is that they draw attention to your empty head. I bet you never bothered to look in the mirror to see how foolish you look. …deliberately confuse me with numbers. Well for those of you who may not be aware, The Hater and mathematics have never been friends. Some fool decided to mix numbers with letters of the alphabet and always insisting that I find something called x. This put me off and to this day, I am not comfortable with numbers. Now I would like to know the person who is making my life miserable by naming the streets in Kigali with numbers mixed with letters. Does this fellow expect me to find x from those street signs? So now they want me to move while counting numbers on posts until I find the one for my destination. It is just mean to complicate The Hater’s life with more numbers. …come to visit and start asking about someone who is not there. I heard that sometime back, students from Riviera High School’s literature class visited The New Times offices and many of them wanted to see who The Hater is. I wonder why they visited when I was not around. Aren’t these the same people who go to a shop and check which colour of the shoe is not around and then ask for that particular colour? Although I was happy to know that they loved how I hate part time thinkers in this country, I think asking for me when I was absent showed that they may not be full-time thinkers like me. It is 2012 and people do not just ask. They call, email, Facebook, Tweet etc. Or make posters reading “Wanted: The Hater”Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or a text message to +250 788 545293