YOU might have read this somewhere. Thoughts lead to actions and actions lead to habits and habits to character.With your presumed concurrence, let’s take it further. The society, being an aggregate of its individual members, gets its character from the aggregate as well as the interactive matrix of their characters.Put simply, East Africans find West African loud and boisterous because the average East African is more reserved compared to their West African counterpart.Society is composed of males and females. The way these two genders relate affects the level of development of society.Healthier, free, equitable and productive engagement between genders is not just socially beneficial; it is also a driver for economic growth. In the economic development, we are better off if everyone is chipping in.In this regard, we have indeed come a long way. Gone and still going are machismo and male chauvinism that characterised society not so long ago.I bet Rwanda might have the world’s highest female representation in toto in society.Having applauded all the gender balance initiatives and the initiatives geared at uplifting the girl child, we must ask ourselves if the other half is doing well. The presumption is that the boys have had it all good all along and, therefore, focus should naturally be on the girls. This calls for a rethink.Without prejudice, boys and girls are not the same. Remember ‘Women are from Venus and men are from Mars’? Take a group of boys to a playground and you will have a lot of competitive jostling with one person trying to outdo or destroy the opponent and they will call it sport.A look at football, boxing, wrestling, rugby and other male dominated sports (such as politics) gives you a clear picture.On the other hand, girls will queue and wait for their turn at the swing and general work cooperatively (might explain why there are more women in the church?)We need to examine (and re-examine) what were the traditional roles of the young male Rwandan and how it has since evolved.Then we will understand the kind of guidance our boys need to grow into confident and responsible citizens.In Rwanda, just like most African and world cultures, the man’s role has been that of the provider and protector, and the woman that of the nurturer, as a mother and as wife.In themselves these roles are quite natural given the physical and psychological predisposition of each of the genders. But, over time, the woman’s role was wrongly diminished as inferior through societal bias and stereotypes resulting from male chauvinism.The modern society, in an attempt to address the problem, may be overreaching. The fact is the basic roles have only changed in appearance. Women are still attracted to men who have strong ‘provider and protector’ qualities (wealth, education, success) regardless of their station in life.It is normal to hear a woman talking of wanting to marry a man who is responsible, can provide for the family, is hard working, etc even if they could comfortably provide themselves. This is maternal instinct at work.The more successful the woman is the higher the threshold (this might explain why a lot of our successful sisters are single).The pressure is, therefore, higher on the young male Rwandan to prove himself. There is, however, no one guiding him on this and therein lies the problem.Effects of this pressure come in terms of issues like crime statistics (have you ever wondered why most crime is committed by males?) Or you will notice the reluctance of the young males to marry.The modern ‘protector-provider’ needs guidance to execute this role well. This will be good not only for the family but also for society. It will maintain social balance and further spur economic growth.As Adive Azriel says, “…Were it not for men long ago acting in their traditional capacities as protector and provider in communal families, humanity would now be extinct. It is equally certain that had women not been the traditional mothers and wives, the human race would still be extinct.”
