Auntie’s corner

I have been married for 5 years to a beautiful and very intelligent woman. I had been under pressure from my peers and family members to get children and my wife was very reluctant about it, little did I know that my wife has infertility problems. I stumbled upon medical reports that belong to my wife which actually confirmed my fears that she can’t have children. I am sad and annoyed at the same time; I am sad because I can’t have children with this beautiful woman that I so much love, and annoyed because she chose not to inform me of this problem. Just so you know, I did not follow up on the matter with her, I let it be. A few months ago I suggested to my wife that we adopt two children, a boy and a girl from an orphanage at the same time so that we bring them up together as brother and sister, but hell broke loose she swore that she is not going to take care of adopted children. Since then, we have not communicated on anything. What hurts me is that, she knows she can’t have children of her own, yet she is denying both of us the chance of being parents through adoption and also denying these children the chance of having a home and loving parents. My friends have suggested that I get a secret lover and get children with her, but I can’t bring myself to betraying my wife, but I want so badly to adopt these children that I have identified.WayneDear Wayne,It is very sad to note that marriages nowadays start on a very sad note, that of cheating. For your information, it has never been a sin and will never be, if a woman can’t conceive and have children. Children come from God, and it is only through his discretion that He gives whom He has chosen. And, remember that, even those who cannot have their biological children, it’s not a punishment, but instead they are the chosen few, who are better placed to take care of orphans and the neglected children in society, this way they also act as the guardian angels to these children.However, I always advise couples who are about to take the marriage vows to be truthful from the word go. It is time people understand that everybody has a past- and there is nothing wrong to tell a person who loves you that you have a child/children back at home; and then after that it will be in order to let this person decide whether he will love you with your burden or not.In all matters of privacy; yes each one of us is entitled to their privacy- but when it comes to marriage-privacy becomes a foreigner in the home of these two people and can go thus far. If you ask me, it is only fair if your wife shared her “secret “with you; but my dear brother that is all water under the bridge, you have to look ahead and plan your future. Two things here; one, call your wife and tell her what you know about her past, make her feel comfortable and assure her of your love which she is afraid to lose, even after finding out all the information she hid from you. She must understand that children have never been a part of any marriage contract, when they come, we are happy, and when they don’t life continues.I am impressed that you want to change the lives of the two children you identified at the orphanage; but beware, in your bid to want to raise these children; it can be as sweet- only when your partner is with you both physically and emotionally.