Mainstory: Woes of wedding meetings

As a journalist, I try as much as possible to avoid living an opulent life style. With a big loan in the bank which has to be serviced, demands of school fees from my young siblings and my ailing aged parents, spending lavishly during wedding meetings is the last thing I would want to hear. For long, I have not been a good wedding meeting goer because of my tight work schedule. You know as a journalist, you work seven days a week. But on this day, one of my best friends John Paul N. invited me for his second last wedding meeting. Being next to the last meeting and having always given excuses for missing the other meetings, I felt it would sound an acceptance if I miss this too. “We are reminding you to attend the wedding meetings of Paul. Please don’t miss and come with your pledge and remind others,” an SMS from one of the organizers reads. At the meeting, people were honouring their pledges as friends around cheered loudly and applauded those with big contributions. I did not know the logic behind apart from the belief that it was a way of inspiring to contributors. All kinds of payments; dollars, cheques and francs were made. But because the wedding budget was still in deficit, the chairman suggested that more contributions be made. It was therefore suggested that those who had come for the first time and had not contributed before step forward. I had not yet, and attended any meeting prior yet I was known as one of the groom’s best friends. My instincts highlighted that fingers were pointing at me revealing that it was high time people hear my voice as part of the meeting contributing. I was still pondering the next move when a friend sitting not far from me handed the ‘chief mobilizer’ Frw100,000. I cringed with fear! All eyes were now turning on me. I had just paid off a few debts and house rent so my budget was tight. Timid I was, I stood up as the chairman announced a point of financial interruption from the long awaited best friend of Paul. People looked eager to hear from me but here I was contributing “only” Frw20000. Friends around mumbled quietly, disapproving my small contribution! I sat and bled. Why, I wondered did people want me to give Frw100,000 like the other friend who works in Rwanda Revenue Authority? A girl next to me looked not at me but through me! You pride yourself for being generous to many but woe to you if you cannot contribute ‘enough’. Well, they tried to clap for me and forced a simple smile. The would-be groom looked in bewilderment! Sometimes people who organize wedding meetings understand sometimes not. At the end of the meeting, there were murmurs by ladies about some people who are ‘super glues’ with their money. “People need to be pushed in order to contribute for a friend’s ceremonious event yet they claim to earn big and working for prominent companies! Moreover, they are best friends,” one lady lamented. Like this woman who said as we walked away after the meeting that I did not love Paul just simply because of my ‘small’ contributions! Before the meeting ended, I saw the chief mobilizer going through the list of those who had contributed. Later he shook their hands for a ‘job welldone.’ He didn’t shake my hands. When I extended my hands for a hand shake, he turned his head way, completely ignoring me as if I were a street beggar! That evening, I walked home crestfallen! Having heard huge praises from the chairman as the groom’s long awaited best friend, people expected me to cough big. Instead, big contributors received heavy and lively cheers and claps. Hearing such tittle-tattles about the way people perceive ‘voluntary’ contributions (since no legal actions attached if not honoured), I left in dismay, embarrassed and vowed never again to attend anymore wedding meetings. No coins were allowed into the treasury that they could tire the treasurer’s pocket! And all fines were paid in cash. Now one time, a friend came just 20 minutes late rushing for the wedding meeting only to be asked to pay late coming fine. The friend explained all what happened and as he was caught up by some traffic jam, the justifications were hitting deaf ears. Broke he was as it was with only transport back home, he had to pay. As he moved back home on foot through shortcuts to Kibagabaga, he cursed never to attend their meetings again. He honoured his pledge that was collected at office by the treasurer. Towards the last meeting, he was called upon to come and attend which he kindly did and arrived in time. He was asked why he was not attending the previous meetings. I heard someone hurriedly answering back it was the only way he could avoid fundraising. “Upon hearing that, I reserved my answer but felt absolutely insulted,” another friend explained. Owing from those explanations, it justifiably becoming a phenomenon that wedding meetings are turning into commercial ventures. It seems not a voluntary way of raising funds for beloved friends but rather something else beyond definition. At the wedding meetings, I learnt that when one contributes much, people think he is either paid much wage or he is very generous or he loves the would-be couple so much. They clap and cheer, little knowing that those who contribute little could be working on a tight budget or even have little but willing to offer something in contribution. When it comes to failing to contribute, you become a laughing stock. Whenever events that require contributions for arise, people retrieve you for missing even though you missed one or two meetings due to reasons best known to you. They will claim how you are fond of doing such acts and the only way of silencing them would be coughing out big in the next fundraising meeting. That gossiping group can never fail to elevate words even for the big contributors. At times, when you contribute much, they will say that you either have much to spend or you are bragging or something else. Since it is a voluntary move to contribute for a friend, there is no need of over emphasizing how much to be paid and being fined for lousy things. Some people are beginning to shun wedding meetings. It is this virus behind the poor attendance of wedding meetings today. But who would love to be embarrassed anyway? Contributing is becoming a repayment of what so and so contributed during my wedding fundraising. This is becoming common nowadays. Although it may not be in the same currency though in most cases it is, most people are now contributing towards only those who put a hand in their wedding budget. This reminds me of a friend who withdrew from attending an old friend wedding meeting after he remembered he did not attend his. He said that a budget was sent to the OB but no sign of positive response until they met in a business meeting long after the honeymoon. As they both greeted and hugged, the OB was asked why he did not attend the wedding. He replied hurriedly: “I forgot to bring my wedding contributions yet I had arranged it.” And the spirit in which people contribute should not be exchange but rather contribute in goodwill. Pierre Murekezi, 65- years-old explains that during his time, there was no such a thing of coercing people to contribute to one’s marriage. “For one to marry, one had to be financially or materialistically sounding without necessarily the helping hand of friends apart from family members if possible,” he explained. Murekezi added: “Today, people plan weddings even when they have 30 percent of funds from the total budget in anticipation to raise the balance from friends and family members. It is because of the limited initial funds that people now compress others in order to raise finances easily.” Ends