Auntie’s corner

Dear Aunt Kiki,I am a married man and a father of three girls. For the ten years that I have been with my wife, we have shared a very strong bond and our love was still intact or so I thought, until, sometime last month when I stumbled upon some shocking news. I came upon some documents indicating that my wife has properties which I was not aware of. When I confronted her, she owned up and said that she bought the properties with her own money and she was not obliged to tell me about it. So I asked why she hides the fact that she has properties, she said that having properties in secret is her weapon just in case the marriage does not work. Since this revelation, I must confess that I have no feelings for my wife, even after she apologized. I think I need to separate from her, how can she keep such a secret for ten years? Please advise.PeaboDear Peabo,During divorce, property issues can be confusing because it makes a difference whether that property is owned by one partner or both of you. You can check with the law, but the last time I checked, is that where all assets and debts acquired during the marriage are generally subject to a 50/50 split. In an equitable distribution state, assets and debts are divided in an equitable fashion, taking into consideration the length of the marriage, the income capacity of each spouse, custody of the children and other factors. Whereas I agree with you that your wife is very much on the wrong to hide from you about the properties she owns, you must also agree with me that as much as the property is hidden from your knowledge; truth is that most probably, you have benefited from it one way or the other. If not, I then assure you that your three children have their future settled, because after you and your wife have retired then these children will be the beneficiary of these properties; so I ask you to be patient, do not be in a hurry to file divorce as yet. Find a way to resolve this issue; in fact as much as it is hurting that you were not aware of this fact, another man would be rejoicing knowing very well that such property at the end of the day will benefit the whole family.I also do not know how you came across these documents, unless your wife kept them carelessly; but if you went into her documents and snooped around that is very wrong.You know what people do not understand is that no matter how married you are; each person is entitled to individuality which comes with entitlement to their own privacy. Yes you are married and have children together and you are now one; but remember that you have your friends and she has her friends as well. The same thing applies to many other things that some couples choose not to share like bank accounts.I agree with you that it is a disappointment to live with someone for ten years and not know that they have hidden some information from you, but I urge you to look at your glass half full and not half empty; make peace and life should continue-should you leave her today, be sure that there are some men who would want such a woman with properties and most probably cash stashed somewhere in safety just in case anything happens. Rejoice!