Auntie’s corner

Dear Aunt Kiki,I am a 40 year old widower and a mother of 3 boys. My wife died 7 years ago due to complications which arose during child birth of our last born son. For all this time I was living in denial and I have finally found the strenght to love again. For the last 1 year, I have been dating two ladies; one is a single mother of two children and the other is single with no children. I have come to like both ladies deeply and now I am at a cross roads, not knowing which to choose, because each lady has some qualities that I like in a wife. Some of my friends tell me to go for the single mother because she is mature, while others advise me to go for the single girl. Please advise me on which I should marry.FreddyDear Freddy,Men are very funny species; no wonder they are said to have come from Mars. When faced with such a situation, they will always confess to have fallen in love with both women, because for a man the more he has the better; but those days of having more than one partner are long gone; unfortunately you have to settle on one.More than anybody else, you are in a better position to choose the woman you want as a wife, since you are the wearer of the shoe. But then since you have asked for help, let us explore which of the two suits your kind of life.Let us start with the young girl. For many men in your position this is the ideal woman for them. She is young and carries no buggage with her like the single mother. I can tell you that most men do not like marrying single mothers, because of the buggage she is carrying; of having another man’s wife. But there is a problem here; unless she is one in a million, most people will tell you that it is very difficult to get a woman who has had no experience with children agree to take care of her husband’s children like her own.Remember this is a lifetime commitment and at this time of your life, we are not looking at what you will get from this woman but what your children get out of her being their step-mother. Truth be told you had your life, so do not put the well being of your children at the bottom of your list, if you make a wrong choice they stand to loose more than yourself for obvious reasons.What happens is that when you marry another woman into your life, she will take charge of the household responsibilities including the children. You will have little control over what happens in the house, this amount of power can be easily abused; more so in your absence. With that in mind you need someone who would have the children’s best interest at heart. I don’t want to sound biased here; there are some young ladies who have proved beyond reasonable doubt that they can be good step mothers; but they are few. Since you have asked me, I think the single mother seems better placed to take this responsibility because she knows and appreciates the pain and vulnerability of children; remember that she is also worried about bringing a man into her children’s life so you are both speaking the same language.You have been alone for the last seven years, waiting a few months more to make a sound decision will not harm you, so please wait a little longer and weigh between these two women who is better placed to be your wife and the mother of your children. All the best Freddy.