Why Holy Communion used to be popular

A few years ago, I told you about a certain Mr. Waraje and his unquenchable love for Uganda Waragi. What I didn’t tell you was that Mr. Waraje also used to be an ardent church attendee. His favorite moment during the church service was when people were invited to the altar area for Holy Communion. That is when Bwana Waraje would really put on a wide smile. This smile was not because of the opportunity to confess his sins. No way! Instead, his smiles would be as a result of the nice tasty red wine that he was about to partake. When the Reverend gave him the cup to sip, Mr. Waraje would instead take in a serious gulp. This would force the church clergy to go back behind the curtains so as to re-fill the glass for other waiting Christians. Being his good neighbors, Aggrey and I would always go with him to church on Sunday mornings. Having had several liters of booze the previous night, we felt that it was only befitting that we headed to church so as to wash away our sins. For Mr. Waraje, there was no better way of washing away the sins than taking Holy Communion. So anyways after pushing his old vehicle down the slope to kick start the engine, we would run very fast in order to jump inside the already speeding car. Off we sped away leaving behind a cloud of carbon monoxide emanating from the old junk of a vehicle. Once at the church premises, Mr. Waraje would compose himself and act as if he was a VIP himself. He usually stored away his best attire for his Sunday church visits. The clergy respected him so much. That is why they ushered him along to the very front bench. As for us, we were taken to the back seats since we were never considered as VIPs. Being the stubborn guy that he was, Waraje would occasionally request for a chance to give a testimony. With his bloodshot red eyes, he would stand in front of the congregation and speak “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here to confess to you that I have been derailed by Satan himself! He has been teaching me bad manners such as boozing and smoking. But today, I am here to tell you that I am going to be a changed man! I really need your prayers so that the demons can leave me once and for all. Alleluia!” At this moment, the Reverends and church elders would kneel down to pray for this lost sinner. First they would ask him a question “Which demons would you like us to chase?” He then answered “Please try to chase away the demons of amoeba from my stomach! If you chase them away, I promise that I will never visit Béa’s joint again” The clergy then moved in to lay hands on him. They prayed and requested the Holy Spirit to come and wash away all of his sins. And as a sign of this, all confessing Christians such as Waraje would participate at the holy table whereby they would drink some red wine that would symbolize the savior’s blood. Since Aggrey and I were too afraid of confessing our sins in front of the congregation, we were not allowed to join Mr. Waraje at the altar for the Holy Communion. We just sat back singing Christian songs as the clergy offered red wine to all sinners who had confessed all their dirty deeds. From where we were seated, we could see how Waraje gulped the whole cup of red wine in the name cleansing away sins. According to him, the more wine he swallowed meant that more demons would flee from his body. After the church service, Waraje would be seen hugging parishioners exchanging blessings and generally having a wonderful time. On our way back home, we would not be surprised at all when Waraje negotiated his car towards Béa’s joint where he would proceed to gulp some cold bottles of Amstel. This lifestyle continued until one Sunday morning when Waraje’s expectations were dashed. You see, as usual he went forward to confess his sins in anticipation for more red wine. After confessing his heart out, it was time for Holy Communion. But this time, instead of pouring red wine in the cup, the clergymen decided to fill his cup with red Ribena juice. He lifted the cup and after mumbling a short prayer, he swallowed all the contents. Suddenly his eyes opened so wide as he run frantically out of church. He spat out all the Ribena from his mouth and cursed out loud! He promised himself that he would never visit that church again…