RAMBLINGS Rachel Garuka: Who are the biggest liars?

Men are convinced that women are the biggest liars yet women sternly beg to differ. In a woman’s mind, nothing beats the lies of a man. Women say it so often that it has become the foundation of female dating acumen, passed on from sorority houses to sewing circles!I spoke to a lady once about this whole ‘who tells more lies’ saga and she insisted that men will forever be champions at it. She said that women lied when they had to, especially if that lie was going to save the situation. As for men, they lie unnecessarily even when you can clearly see they are. But that’s just her opinion. So I decided to expand the mystery and ask a couple of female friends online which sex they thought told the most lies. I discovered a bunch of angry, disgusted and disillusioned women who were so sick of being deceived. They mumbled on about how men take women for granted thinking they are stupid. These girls had issues ranging from infidelity, family problems, and bank accounts to silent addictions like prostitution and pornography! Yes – one, Dana, had some grim issues on the matter and I quote, “The only thing more frustrating about men who pay for sex is the percentage of men who lie about it to their wives and girlfriends.” Dana insists that because so many men are dishonest about sex, either lying directly or “omitting certain truths” about their private behavior, women are left feeling precarious and mistrustful. “I used to have a problem with porn” is the grim equivalent of the famous “I used to have an eating disorder.” All too often, that’s just wishful thinking if not outright deception. Habitually, what guys try to explain away as a past problem is in fact an ongoing habit. Whereas I agree with Dana, I find it unfair to assume that it’s just the male species that tells lies. But when I asked Dana why she insisted on the guys, she had only too much to say. “Women do not tell lies of that magnitude. What we do is assume the guy understands what we are saying whether we are being clear or not. And if men were even half as smart as they think they are, they would know that when a woman says ‘she’s not mad’ it means she is. That isn’t an outward lie. Sure men are not mind readers but if you’ve lived with a woman long enough, it should be pretty obvious!”From Dana’s point of view, any woman who seems too good to be true in reality is. She can cook like a five-star chef, clean the place up like she was on auto tune and basically satisfy you in every aspect of life. However, no woman can be too pleased that her man spends night-after-night at strip joints. If it is a habit she knows she can’t break, rather than fight with a guy over the same thing repeatedly, she’ll try to let it go. By now, men should know that even when a woman implies that you ‘go on’ with whatever habit that has a grip on you, what she needs is for you to stay and act like the man she knows you can be.Many guys have told me that they lie about porn and related matters because, as one put it to me, “women go ballistic when you tell them the truth.” But you owe it to the women you love — and to yourselves — to have the courage to be honest about what it is you’re doing and how often you’re doing it. If honesty is that hard, then don’t do anything that will hurt your partner. It’s not too much to expect, and it’s not too much to ask.There is no evidence about who lies most. In my opinion, there’s a balance. It shouldn’t matter whether it’s a tiny white lie or a lie to the death. If you truly love you partner, show it in every way humanly possible—starting with integrity.