When Celibataire’s search for a bride went wrong

Relationships:Diaspoman For the past few weeks, I have been telling you how my search for a bride has failed to materialize. I have tried all strategies possible, but there is no solution in sight! I guess, I may have to stick around for much longer as a senior Celibataire! But I do not want to become like a certain Celibataire who, during the mid 90s, decided to drown his problems in bottles of Primus. This man used to visit a particular bar in Nyamirambo where many chicks would be seen traversing the area. He always entered this bar hoping to hook a future bride, but alas, the ladies always turned him down. He would then turn towards the bar and continue to clobber Primus after Primus in sheer frustrations. Then on one evening, he thought his luck had surfaced. As he was leaving the pub at mid night, he heard a female-ish voice calling out for a lift in his white Carina. But this person who was asking for a lift happened to be none other than his houseboy Aimable. God had given Aimable a soft voice such that whenever he spoke, you would think that it was a lady speaking. In fact, had it not been for his ugly, hairy face plus a flat butt, one would think that he was a lady in the making. So, when Aimable asked his boss for a lift, Celibataire did not hesitate. In his drunken mind, he thought that Aimable’s feminine voice belonged to a real lady. So Celibataire took the houseboy in his Carina and found a suitable place under a tree in the middle of the night. This was the opportune time for Celibataire to propose! His way of proposing was not anywhere near the traditional style whereby a guy bends on one knee and produces a diamond ring. No way! For Celibataire, his method of proposing was different. That is why he ended up attempting to kiss Aimable, his very own houseboy. Of course pandemonium ensued since Aimable was not ready to receive a kiss from a fellow man. As for Celibataire, this was a scandal! He had always regarded himself as a superstar! Besides, was he not a proud owner of a Carina, a fridge and a colored TV? Was he not also a proud owner of great job in town! Well, all that prestigious status was about to evaporate in thin air because some serious antennas were abruptly erected. During those mid 90s, antennas used to emerge almost instantly whenever a scandal was reported. These antennas were not the ones that you would find perched on top of TV sets or radios. Instead, these antennas were in form of human body parts commonly referred to as “ears”. Whenever a rumour about a scandal started to circulate, Kigali people would instantly raise their human antennas towards the sky. They did this so that all that juicy information could flow in freely through their ears and straight to their medulla oblongata. When the information reached this medulla oblongata, it would then be processed at breakneck speed so that additional information is transmitted on to other individuals willing to raise their own antennas. And therefore, it was not entirely surprising when the following day people were seen murmuring among themselves. One topic that was being quietly discussed was that Celibataire had attempted to do the unthinkable on his houseboy! The rumours spread like a bush fire. All along, Celibataire was not aware that Aimable had opened his mouth to narrate his ordeal. So, come evening time, Celibataire strode into the Nyamirambo Joint as usual for a round or two. He was smartly dressed in a black suit and red neck tie. He had spent the whole day in a high profile meeting and so he had to pass by his favorite joint for some cold ones. As soon as Celibataire took his sit at the counter, everyone around him started to retreat backwards. It was as if he was carrying a bad smell. The truth of the matter is that people around did not want to be seen with a dubious fella!