INSIGHT: Being dumped sucks but get over it!

I heard that the death of a loved one is easier to deal with than a breakup, being dumped or getting plain rejected. Coping with the fact that your man (the only star in your sky, or so you thought) loved you then dropped you like a bad habit is not something many women live with easily or even take kindly. It gives you the feeling of being unacceptable to someone. You will wonder why the incident happened and your role in the matter. And even though you are 110 percent certain that you have been a God sent partner, for some reason, you can’t help but think it’s you especially when the dumper hasn’t given a solid explanation for the breakup.If he uses the infamous line ‘it’s not you it’s me’ then sorry but it is in fact you! You might not have done anything wrong but that line is used when someone wants to say he is tired of you in a polite way! He would rather make it look like he is the one with the problem than telling you to your face why he can’t stand you anymore. Humane, I agree but a bloody lie all the same!He probably just feels the relationship isn’t working for him and desperately wants to move on. And because some men are very cunning, they will do everything in their power to sabotage the relationship, hoping that you will be the one to dump him. That will leave him with a clear conscious and the ability to move on even faster! Trust that when he does, there’ll be someone else the second you leave because that other person is most likely what caused the problem.It’s heartbreaking, but never blame yourself because self blame brings shame. Shame is so painful, that no one talks or even wants to think about it. Shame is the least identified emotion we as humans deal with, because we are ashamed of our shame. Shame pulls us into a life of silence and inactivity, lying and hiding. When we are rejected in any situation, it is a true hit to our self-esteem. However, in order to regain your esteem you need to get over what happened and start afresh. I know some women feel strongly against jumping into another relationship when one fails but it’s a lot more fun that sitting there wondering what went wrong and crying over someone who frankly is on a mission to celebrate his new found freedom. A new relationship would immensely increase your self confidence. You could venture into several things that could keep you busy such as, taking Yoga or Spanish classes! Keeping busy is the quickest way to move on and, you will be saving yourself a bunch of miserable one nightstands or ‘beneficial friends’ if you date exclusively. You need to understand that life does not end with one relationship. We meet new people every other day. The chances are that you will meet someone worthwhile again. Life has its own pace and it never stops. Move with the pace, or else you will end up sad and alone, with nothing but regret. Life is not a bed of roses; people separate or are dumped all the time. It sucks! If it’s any consolation, you are not the first and certainly won’t be the last.Believe that you fell for the wrong person and that he never deserved your love or time. It is very rightly said that love is blind. When we are in love we are not able to see the flaws in the other person. The highs of love are amazingly strong and you will feel that not even Heaven is as great as love. But when this dream crashes, the pain goes beyond the limits of the depth of the heart.Treat yourself to a makeover and come out feeling new and ready to meet new people. Start afresh with a positive attitude and things will get better. You will never know unless you try. Even when you feel hopeless, just have a little faith!Twitter @RGaruka