Overconfident Bird Hunter spends Valentine’s Day alone

Yes, I know I told you I had issues with Facebook last week but it seems nothing can kick off the damn social media tool. The Social media geek is yet to reply to my letter but I am still hopeful that he will reply in time – I understand that he has quite a busy schedule, what with having to deal with maintenance and updating of software to keep up with the ever increasing number of members. It must be quite hectic now especially after Facebook was proven to be a formidable tool for change. Ask afande Hosni Mubbarrak and Zein el Abedine.In my case facebook has also been an agent of serious change – hunting will never be the same again. In the run up to Valentine’s Day, I planned ahead and started posting status and asking whether there was anyone who wanted to have a Valentine’s Day to remember. I repeated this same post and each time I posted, I received overwhelming comments most of which expressed their interest. Two days to the big day I asked where and how they would like to spend their Valentine’s Day. My objective was to try and sample the birds up and come up with the most suitable one to take out. This is what only facebook can give you. There is no other way you put birds together without their knowledge and start interviewing them with intention to pick the best candidate. You would never get this chance in any other way.A day before, on February 13 to be precise, I went through all the comments posted as I tried to pick the best comment. The ideal comment that I was looking for was one where a bird would talk of a Valentine Day that did not require a lot of spending and travelling. But then, the birds seemed to have read my mind and at least most of them seemed to prefer a romantic evening at home where they would be pampered, served with dinner and wine. My ideal ‘lovers’ day was where I would hook up with a bird, take her home, cook for her some delicious dinner, before settling down to watch a nice movie as we enjoyed a bottle of wine. No need to go out to Shokola or Khana Khazana where I would end up pleasing the proprietors by leaving behind a big chunk of my savings. Since majority of them were in for my style celebrating Val’s day, yet I had expected just a few of them to even come close to my preferred way of doing things, I was left in a dilemma – I had a problem on my hands. The only good thing I saw was that I was not much obliged or under pressure of anything here since this was only facebook. I could decide things the way I wanted without anyone ever complaining that I hurt their feelings. However, I still had a problem because going by the wall photos; all the birds fitting my criteria were ‘hot!” I found myself developing the mentality of a hyena – I wanted all of them! Seeing that this could not work, I decided to post a different status, narrowing up to the dragnet. This is how it read. Bird Hunter: ideal Valentine celebration: at home, slow music, cook dinner for my valentine, a cold bottle of red wine to float away the noise outside, leaving a tranquil atmosphere for only two people that matter in the world.” As I expected, this did cause me more problems because it was quite romantic and stimulated people’s imaginations. This time I attracted more comments than on the first status. But then I liked one comment that stood out from the others. “Do you have someone in mind?” I knew what the bird was driving at. What would you do in my case? Caveat: I can tell you that the bird was drop dead gorgeous although, not unlike the others. Yes, I told her (in her inbox!) that I had someone in mind. She responded (to my inbox) that she was disappointed because she hoped to be the one to accompany me on that important evening. Hoping I would get a better offer if I kept holding out, I decided to tell her to keep around for an announcement. I am sure the next few hours she felt like the ‘pro-democracy’ protesters at Tahrir square in Cairo waiting for the announcement that Mubarak had resigned. Well, I kept getting tempting comments and I was carried away, hoping to make a choice before Valentine’s Day eve. But before I knew it, it was Val’s Day and I had no date. When I turned to the bird who had ‘proposed’ to me, she told me she was sorry because she waited too long and lost patience. I had no choice but to spend Val’s day alone - and frightened. Lesson learnt: over assumption is not good.