I hate people who…

…cannot write birthday messages to their friends. The other day I woke up and soon realised it was raining. When I asked someone where the rain had come from, he simply told me that it is because February 8 happens to be The Hater’s birthday. I checked my phone and found birthday messages. Then I logged onto Facebook and found more messages. I had no option but to believe my friend. And that is when I remembered that although a lot of love was pouring my way, my job remains that of hating. So I sincerely hate anyone who did not remember to wish me a happy birthday last Wednesday. No, don’t say you did not know about it. Ignorance is no defence! …have already forgotten their New Year’s resolutions. We are just midway into February but some people have already forgotten the resolutions they made at the beginning of the year. I totally hate people who forget the pronouncements they make yet they never forget food. Some people who resolved to be nice to me are now top contenders for slaps from yours truly. Sometimes I wonder why the UN has never passed a resolution to keep annoying people away from me. Anyway at least I have not forgotten my resolution which was to continue hating so you can order for next Sunday’s paper as I will be there hating still unless the UN passes that resolution fast. …ask for my phone details but never remember to call me. Let me first announce to all my readers that my phone is always charged and ready to receive calls on any day of the week. I therefore do not see why you do stand up and cheer as I hate those jokers especially receptionists who like asking for my cell phone number and promise to call me in case of anything but do not call even when something comes up. One of these days I will walk up to one of those daft people who think just keeping my phone number saves them from being hated and ask them to give it back to me. Yes, I am serious. …enter the KBS buses with death threatening body odours. I do not have much to say about these ones because the mere thought of people with unwashed bodies entering those buses has me holding my nose now even though I am not in the bus. I swear this is some kind of chemical terrorism. Someone with armpits that smell worse than hot garbage enters a public transport vehicle and as he grips on to the handles for support the rest of the people have to endure worse torture than what a prisoner of war may suffer. I am going to start walking with air freshener each time I have to jump on those buses that have almost no ventilation. …continue asking the same questions and getting the same answer. I am not that interested in politics as compared to hating and today I have to say I have few options but to hate all those idle people who keep asking Pres. Kagame whether he will change the constitution to continue as president after his term. I think he has answered this question so many times it is now annoying just hearing the question. Please, if you want to ask him I advise you to ask me instead. Don’t you want to know whether The Hater will quit one day? Well, if you continue with your insisting on such banalities I may quit and become a boxer just to knock out your teeth. I hate you. Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to +250 788 545293