Sharp Shooter:Even old and married women elope

As the saying goes, men are immature adults but I will say with respect that women are mature adults who fall for teenage pranks when it comes to cheating on their husbands or to politely put it when “dating them.” Last week, I talked about how Anita my last born daughter and her husband took me for a Christmas dinner that turned out a dreadful evening because of Rakeshi, the immature Indian adult who behaved like today’s Ludacris. However, not all was gloomy that evening like they say, habits don’t die; it’s the individuals who do. I have come to believe that as long as I am still alive, regardless that soon I will celebrate my eighth decade on earth, I will still pull a woman’s skirt. In a corner where our table was, directly opposite another that was occupied by a middle aged couple that looked troubled (by reading their facial expression) on a day that at least people should pretend not to have conjugal differences. I hope Yunia, my wife of 26 years does not read this but the last time I pulled a skirt was in June 1986 when I met her. But last Christmas, I was nearly tempted to do so but since angel Gabriel had visited earth, I was touched by his powers and I refrained. I was wrong, Juliet and Kanamugire as I later learned about the couple’s names were not settling any differences but Kanamugire is an introvert. As Kanamugire stepped outside for a smoke, the devil in me urged me to inquire what the problem was but with an intention of offering Juliet a soft landing on my wrecked chest. So how I was going to do it given that my daughter and son in-law were present was another challenge, but hey you small high school boys, listen to how the game is played. Akabanga pepper from Nyirangarama is such a hot liquid that you wont touch that small bottle in which it is packed, with bare hands. So after realizing that Juliet needed it for her pizza, quickly I scribbled on a piece of tissue “daughter, you seem troubled I am a counsellor call me on 07800000002 anytime you gain emotional stability I will be ready to help” then wrapped the pepper bottle with the tissue and offered it to her. When she read the tissue, she looked up at my table and unenthusiastically threw a beaming smile that lit the entire room and this sent me thinking of my heydays. All this happened while Kanamugire was infecting his lungs with tobacco. As Rakeshi continued with his irksome dance strokes I had to cut short my dinner and winked my right eye signalling my departure to her while poor Kanamugire was on his tenth cigarette. As Juliet flashed her smile and her trade mark dimples sunk into her cheeks, she also signalled that she would call me. It’s midday, Tuesday last week, my handset cries out the stamina ringtone, upon receiving the call it was Julie. “Hey counsellor, do you remember me? I was not troubled but bored by my introvert husband,” she said, to my surprise. “Of course I do remember you Julie,” she had told me her names on Christmas Day. Her next statement surprised me: “I don’t need your counselling services because I have taken a one month marital leave from the rogue and am strong enough to go over it.” “That’s good my daughter,” I said and before I could continue, she shot at me, “Call me Julie, henceforth.” And she suggested lunch that day. My youthful self reappeared in me and as I cracked her ribs with my charm, she confessed loving assertive men like me. I only wanted to laugh with a much younger woman but no intimate affair like she was taking it. Run away or elope whatever the case, even old women will elope. Sorry, I still love Yunia. I remembered the good and bad times we have shared. I gazed into Julie’s eye and said, “Sorry for wasting your time, I only wanted to counsel you and I didn’t know you wanted to elope with me.” I left her drenched in mad sweat and baying for my blood. Dear ladies, I got Yunia and I am well past my flirting age. Sshooter4@gmail.com